Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Sex, Vatican

Monday, 1 January 2007

image for Vatican and Mindballs in virtual brothels joint venture
Downloading from a Blackberry but don't forget you need the headband

Science Museum, London - (Ass Mess): The Holy See has given its official blessing to a virtual brothels joint venture with the pioneering brain-wave machine manufacturers Mindballs in a move to cut veneral disease, bankrupt prostitution rackets and discourage infidelity among the chronically adulterous.

This radical departure from centuries of haranguing sinners for their thoughts as well as their deeds has worried traditionalists who see it as a cave-in to immorality and pandering to the anti-celibacy priests' movement. But others have pointed out that it merely represents an attitude shift towards maintaining basic conjugal fidelity among churchgoers while allowing some leverage for relief of the everyday predictability of monogamy.

Announcing the innovative scheme in Rome today Cardinal Sodano said that it represented a marriage of the latest technological wizardry with WHO-approved safe sex initiatives while helping church coffers to prosper via the pay-as-you-go system.

The technology is based on the Mindballs electronic EEG game where two players control a ball - or balls, or other bodily parts essential for recreational sex - with their brain wave activity - not really all that different from regular coitus!

Participants wear headbands with wires attached to a biosensor-enabled mainframe which measures their alpha and theta waves. When hooked up to the virtual brothel site, players can choose a virtual sex partner of their liking, don the headband and experience all the usual sensations of congress (small 'c'!) but without the tedium of entering into a relationship, catching syphilis, fathering unexpected children and/or being stung with subsequent school fees/maintenance payments/years of adolescent whinging etc.

A women's version of the site is still under construction and the current prototype is strictly heterosexual in orientation.

The financial access point for the site was originally due to be partnered by PayPal but the Vatican's strict code of conduct has barred non-hetero site participation and caused a contractual breakdown with the payment switching mechanism providers who pulled out - just in time some say - in protest before the site went online.

Market analysts have reported that a sleeping partner behind the novel site may be the internet spread-yer-legs-betting-site Aintgottaprayer.com which normally confines its activities to offering odds on politicians' survival chances.

Other reports suggest that the Second Sex Life website is the real eminence grise behind this venture after patent rights of the Mindballs technology were auctioned in London late last year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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