Written by Duff
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Topics: Weather

Saturday, 25 November 2006

image for Phew! Britain Could Fry in Heatwave
Things are going to get sweaty

A blistering report is published today that warns that if there was to be a spell of abnormally warm weather, then it could well herald disaster for Britons this coming summer.

The report, funded by some crowd or other, says that if there was to be an unprecedented period of very very hot weather, say temperatures of about 105-110 Fahrenheit, then U.K. could well grind to a halt.

A weather expert said:

"If it actually got this hot then of course all our water would evaporate and people would become parched and dehydrated. Also the high temperatures would melt tarmac on the roads and airport runways leading to inevitable transport delays. And the train tracks would buckle and twist with the heat, so that would be yer trains shagged too!"

Major-General Wright-Payne told us:

"The prolonged heatwave would most probably make everyone bad-tempered and this, in turn, would most probably lead to fights and altercations between normally law-abiding citizens and if these got too numerous to manage then society could well break down totally".

Of course there are some 'cranks' out there who think that this scenario is purely hypothetical but leading supermarkets are taking the dire warning seriously.

"We think that people should go out and buy up every bottle of water, beer, juice and fizzy drink that isn't nailed down" suggested a spokesman for Tesco.

So if the heatwave does come this summer don't say you haven't been warned.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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