VANCOUVER, CANUCKS -- Scientists have often speculated (i. e., theorized) as to what might lie within Mother Earth's "twilight zone," the space between her epidermis, or "upper crust," and her dermis, or "lower mantle." They once believed (i. e., hypothesized) that the planet's twilight zone might contain only the cast-aside ideas of Rod Serling and other "debris," but, now that they have unearthed a gem full of water, they imagine (i. e., conjecture) that the space may be filled with amniotic fluid.
"There is likely to be oceans and oceans of amniotic fluid there," geologists, gynecologists, and obstetricians agree, all of which lead them to believe (i. e., hypothesize) that Mother Earth may be "preggers."
"That's right," Ima Nerd gushed, "Mother Earth might be with child."
If so, Nerd's colleagues agree, her "delicate condition" might well explain both global warming and climate change: "They're nothing more than the mood swings that pregnant women undergo, only, in Mother Earth's case, on a tremendous, planetary scale."
Reportedly, Al Gore is "ecstatic" to have "irrefutable confirmation" of his notions that the planet is undergoing cataclysmic changes. "I knew it!" he cried. "I told you so!"
The Earth scientists who discovered the gemstone believe (i. e., hypothesize) that it originated in one of Mother Earth's kidneys. In fact, they nearly discarded it as mere "debris." However, closer inspection of the "small brown diamond" disclosed the fact that it contains semenite, a microscopic organism previously seen only in meteorites, although it also exists deep inside Mother Earth's twilight zone as well. Geologists believe that the volcanic eruptions that accompany Mother Earth's orgasms must ahve spewed the gem out of her nether parts.
Since the discovery of the gem, scientists have studied it closely and have determined that it is worth its weight in water. The gem proves that Mother Earth's twilight zone contains far more than debris.
"Mother Earth is about to give birth," Nerd declared. "We're not sure what her baby will be or what it will look like, but we know cigars are in order."