Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Germany, Razor clam

Friday, 21 February 2014

image for Close shave with extinction for the Westphalian razor clam
Bloodbath in the fishing creel shows why they're called razor clams

Dortmund - The North German edible mollusc from the Pharidae family has been on the World Clam Organization's Top 10 Endangered marine bivalves register since early '69 when shoals of the slimy little critters were harvested 'in their millions' in Big Pharma's search for a STD cure.**

A close relative of the Atlantic jackknife clam, Ensis Erectus, the German cousin is also known as the sauerkraut clam, the American jackknife pickle clam or razor strop clam on account of a sharp, spiny shell that cosmetics companies harvest to make blusher for sale to the Iranian market.

This week's latest head count sees the species decimated to around 1 million as marine bio diversity blaggers fight to find a cure.

"We blame tacky German reality TV," a WCO spokesperson commented, "for suggesting live clams can act like 'female Viagra' when inserted suppository-like just before coitus."

A kilo of the live slime balls retails at around $5,000.

** for gonorrhoea-related symptoms among indigenous Bavarian hump-back whales.

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