Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 11 June 2013

image for Earth rips itself a new one
Australia may get wedged between Canada and Greenland

At the start of the dinosaur era, some two hundred and twenty-five million years ago, there was one continent, and one ocean. The continent was called Pangea, and the ocean, showing a remarkable lack of imagination, was called the Big Ocean. Tectonic activity ripped Pangea apart, and the continents drifted away on continental plates, travelling at the speed fingernails grow.

Today they are still moving. The speed is so slow it wasn't accepted until the 1970s. But this is set to change. The Indo-Asian plate is ripping itself in half.

"Massive changes like this can have profound and amazing consequences," said Professor Brian Cox. "The speed of plate movement is going to be increased to possibly even the speed hair grows. Amazing."

The split in the plate is likely to push Australia off in a south-eastern direction, and twist India.

"India is currently crashing into Asia," said Cox. "This is how the Himalayas are made. Now the back end is going to spin round, and it's wake is likely to see Madagascar crash into Africa, possibly causing the Ivory coast to fall off the other side. India is a bit of a car crash subcontinent."

This twist in India's motion could eventually result in India joining up to Africa at the entrance to the Red Sea.

Australia is likely to get wedged between Canada and Greenland, although Greenland may budge, Canada is unlikely to. Greenland could ricochet off Iceland and end up part of Ireland, causing it to crash into Wales. Something the Irish are none to pleased about.

"Eventually," said Cox, "the world will look a different place, but it's not something people need to worry about, as it's not going to happen until Tuesday."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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