Written by Gail Farrelly
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Saturday, 27 April 2013

image for Alexander Graham Bell Recording Shocks at the Smithsonian
Reach out and touch someone? Fuhgedaboudit!

Researchers at the Smithsonian Institute revealed a startling find this week. After a long struggle, they had finally cracked the code and now had the ability to access an 1885 message left on a wax disc by Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone.

They called a press conference in Wash., D.C., to play the disc for the very first time and share their discovery with the world. Hundreds of journalists packed the auditorium at the Smithsonian Institute. "This is the story of a lifetime," said one excited journalist to a colleague.

Once the PR director greeted the group, there was complete silence. "Without further ado," she said, "I bring you the voice of the late, great Alexander Graham Bell." She pressed PLAY, and this message on the disc resonated throughout the room:

You have reached the Bell residence. At the tone, don't leave a message. Get lost, mind your own business, go ring your own bell, and don't call here again. Have a nice day.

"Not the friendliest of chaps was he?" grumbled one of the attendees, as he made a beeline for the exit and headed for the nearest pub. His friend agreed, saying, "Reach out and touch someone? Fuhgedaboudit!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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