Written by Joe Leff
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Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Train carriages could soon be built to give better passenger protection against those engaging in extreme flatulence, following a three-year study.

Scientists have devised a set of key changes that could contain explosive blasts and reduce the amount of stench in a train carriage.

After a three-year EU-funded study, which included test explosions of extreme flatulists in a decommissioned carriage, researchers have produced a check list of health and safety improvements that could be incorporated into new passenger trains within the next decade.

The research was commissioned in the aftermath of the Manchester 'flatulent extremists' devastation of several carriages in 2008 and the 7/7 London Underground series of extreme flatulence attacks a year later.

Dr Dee Oadrant, of Stenchmaster University, said: "Preventing the uncontrolled impact of vicious wind is the key. Tethering ceiling panels reduces the risk of fatalities and injury. Gangways also have to be kept clear to allow flatulent extremists quick access to the toilets in case of dangerous follow-throughs."

Some passengers on crowded trains will also be issued with heavy-duty smog masks and earplugs, especially those occupying down-wind carriages.

Other groups of scientists are working on new ways of harnessing the power of toxic fumes to help drive high-speed engines.

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