Written by Talking Tic-Tacs
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Friday, 5 October 2012

image for Facebook Pandemic On the Rise
Ex Facebook abuser John in his joyous new life.

It has been announced that Facebook use has reached one billion, with experts warning as much as three quarters of that figure may be dependant abusers, raising fresh concern about the ongoing pandemic.

Facebook use emerged in 2003 with the first cases of facebook dependency reported shortly after. The prevalence of Facebook abuse has been increasing ever since, reaching pandemic levels as it spread globally.

Abusers are known to indulge in mindless tittle tattle and moronic drivel about the minutiae of their lives, including the idle 'liking' of multi national corporations for example. They become overdependent on Facebook and engage in increasingly showy yet banal, humourless observations and conversations.

With access to Facebook now more available than ever, Facebook abuse could be said to be spiralling out of control. An expert remarked, "It's certainly a worrying trend and can be traced back to the gateways of Bebo and Myspace, but I hasten to add that there are plenty cases of responsible Facebook use, though whether that is sustainable in the long term is unclear."

He went on, "I'd urge all Facebook users to just remember to not disappear up their own arse because they have however many people purporting to be their friends, and to not let their sense of selves over inflate too much. Likewise I would advise those online outcasts that this is your chance to give up, rehabilitate and re-integrate into real life."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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