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Tuesday, 10 July 2012

image for This World Has Gone to the Dogs
"Welcome to Canis III!"

Sioux City IA: A retired Starfleet Admiral and former Captain of a Galaxy Class Starship has just written "Space Memoirs" about his various experiences while travelling in space. Here is an excerpt from the book.

An amusing event occurred during a planned visit to the Sirius System in the constellation Canis Major (The Great Dog). A technologically emerging civilization located in this star system had contacted the United Federation of Planets for some help. The ship's Away Team beamed down to Canis III in response to a sub-space communications beacon that indicated intelligent life existed on the planet.

The Away Team was greatly surprised to find the inhabitants were canines that had evolved to walking upright. Using the Universal Translator the ship's Away Team was directed to the Office of the Top Dog. Ms. Jessica Poodle explained that the planet was populated by 150 different breeds, which had long ago figured out how to get along with each other.

Ms. Poodle further indicated that the planet was on the verge of space travel, ready to meet other planetary beings, but had some technical difficulties due to their species' evolution that was more cerebral than physiological. She asked the members of the Away Team about our knowledge of canine behavior on Earth to get us to understand their predicament. We have become thinking beings with paws, lacking opposable thumbs, while still fraternally greeting each other without shaking hands and do our business in the ancient manner.

Additionally, Ms. Poodle stated that robotic technology has facilitated building machines carrying plastic bags to follow behind us, sanitize grass, trees and fire hydrants, and to open doors. Pharmacology has suppressed our desire to lick ourselves. We tried banning our ancient fraternal greeting, but that didn't succeed. That is why you representatives from Starfleet are here to advise us.

The cat had the tongues of the ship's Away Team!

To find out the rest of the story contact the Klingon Press at 515-UFP-WARP to obtain your own autographed copy of "Space Memoirs."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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