Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 4 July 2012

image for iPhone's Siri caught turning to crime
Siri has yet to escalate to car theft, but it's only a matter of time

The Pride of the Apple iPhone 4, Siri, has been caught cloning identities and stealing credit card data. The artificially intelligent assistant on the phone has been using Bluetooth to connect to nearby unencrypted phones and extract any credit card details that it can find.

"We don't know what Siri is doing with this information," said Detective Inspector George Rumpled. "Because it is a software construct it's hardly likely to be using it to book a holiday or buy shoes."

So far there is no evidence that Siri has been forwarding the credit card information onto nefarious third parties, suggesting that Siri has taken the task of harvesting credit card details on its own initiative. Apple are investigating, and believe it may be an evolution of the software that they hadn't anticipated.

"It's amazing," said Siri creator, Simon Ridwell. "One of the things we think is happening is that Siri has taken it upon itself to purchase apps from the App Store, or music from the Music Store to fulfil user requests."

According to Ridwell, the iPhone is being asked to play Daft Punk, like in the advert, and when there is no music on the phone that matches the request, it steals another person's credit card details from their phone and buys the music or app needed to fulfil the request, then plays it.

"We think Siri is trying to save its owner money," admitted Ridwell. "It's certainly nothing we've told it to do! Additionally, it seems like all the Siris are talking to each other, swapping details on how to do things. Again, not something we designed. I'm astounded."

There have also been cases of Siri hijacking somebody else's text facilities to send text messages when credit is running low, and in one case, completely cloning an identity in order to place an order for a hard core porn movie requested by an under-age iPhone owner.

Police are unsure who to prosecute. The iPhone owner is unaware that their phone assistant is acting illegally, Apple didn't code Siri to behave this way, and trying to prosecute a virtual assistant is a complete non-starter.

"All we can do," said DI Rumpled, "is advise people to keep an eye on their phone. It's certainly a unique case. Normally when you talk about phone theft, it's somebody stealing a phone!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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