Written by IainB
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Sunday, 17 June 2012

image for iPhone 5 features leaked
Apple Jelly is the final patent that makes the phone virtually indestructible by making it malleable.

The much anticipated iPhone 5 has to be special, with the rest of the smart phone market catching up to the Apple flagship and in some cases overtaking it.

"We've been examining Apple patents," said Mac Buck, editor of App World! magazine. "For a little while, we thought Apple Turnover was a new patent for a savoury dish served with English custard. However it turns out it is a revolutionary new screen."

According to the patent, instead of having the screen go merely to the edge of the phone, it continues on around it, and round the back.

"It's a truly remarkable phone design," said Buck. "A wrap around screen gives unprecedented scope for apps. The phone can be used in all directions and who knows what novel uses app designers will come up with. The mind boggles."

The second patent, Apple Crumble, is equally innovative.

"Again, we thought that this was a pudding," said Buck. "We've been spotting a trend in their naming of patents, and we think it's to try and get it past the eagle-eyed journalists. What they didn't realise is that we have a food-edition once a year!"

According to the patent, the Crumble is a mutable screen that can create more than just haptics, it can change it's shape. Buttons can raise from the surface that can be pressed, the skin of the phone can feel like wood, leather or glass.

"Again, we don't know how app designers are going to use this new facility," said Buck, "but it's bound to be amazing."

Finally, people are feeling reassured that the iPhone can regain it's position as the foremost smart phone on the market, and leave everything else trailing behind waiting for the patents to expire.

"All hail Apple," said Buck. "I just wish they hadn't joined Android in naming stuff after puddings."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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