Hollywood, Ca. - Scientist's have completed an amazing tri-city study to determine, what they are calling "The Dumbness Factor" inherent in blondes.
"We chose three prominent blonde' breeding grounds in the US to study the feeding and meeting habits of both natural and unnatural blondes. The three test cities were Las Vegas, Nevada, Hollywood, California and Dallas, Texas. The study included a physical exam and psychological review of more than 100 natural and not-so natural blondes in each of the three cities."
"The first thing we discovered were very large nail-like protrusions imbedded in all the natural blondes skulls. This symptom was exclusive to the natural blonds. The peroxide blonds were free of this affliction." Scientist speculate that the large nails were originally placed in their heads to keep the air in, but over generations the protrusion anomaly became encoded on their DNA and occurred naturally in blondes as part of their normal developmental process. The bones were analyzed for content and discovered to have calcium, very similar to the bones found in the rest of the skull.
"At first we thought the peroxide was leaking into the brains of the blondes, making their brains Jell-O like. But, we found out, through our studies that this is not the case. We also found out that even the natural blondes were using peroxide to become more blonde or to stay blonde. Apparently, you can never be too blonde. In conclusion, we noted that peroxide intoxication had no affect on the intelligence factor we were attempting to evaluate in our study."
"We did find however, that the natural blondes had a much higher concentration of air in their gray matter than the unnatural blondes. This may account for their goofy behavior at times. When the natural and unnatural blondes were interviewed together, the behavior of the unnatural blondes began to mimic the goofy behavior of the natural blondes.
Also during these interviews, we got some very interesting answers to our standard questions. One woman told us she was cute so she didn't need to talk, or answer any questions. Another woman, when asked what her financial advice would be, she said to "buy condoms, because they are cheaper than houses." We think she meant condos as in condominiums, but we're not sure. A blonde male in the study, when answering health questions replied that he thought VD was a "kind of tomato juice."
So, why do scientists believe blondes are dumb? "Basically, because they're blonde," they said.