Scientists have discovered the secret to suspended animation! For years scientists have experimented with extreme low temperatures to achieve a state of suspended animation in humans, but have now finally cracked the code.
"By pumping pure aspartame into a person's blood stream, we are able to preserve them for countless years" says Professor D. Cuuke. "The aspartame is then turned into pure formaldehyde and a person is internally preserved for an uncountable measure of time!" This opens up endless possibilities for space travel and a hand full of other scientific exploits. The professor goes on to explain however that this is simply the first open door and that there is more work to be done. "This process will work; the trick is now going to be how to bring subjects back to life "
The Department of International Experimentation Testing Study and Operation Diligence Administration gives this new process its full backing and endorses it as the key to unlocking deep space travel