Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 14 February 2012

image for Windows 8 will be delivered on time
The end of the world was a problem for Windows 8

In an unprecedented move in the computer software industry, Microsoft have indicated that their next generation Operating System, Windows 8, will be released on time.

"It was scheduled for release in June 2012," said Irvine Collateral, Microsoft release manager, "and that is when it will be released."

Microsoft had big plans for Windows 8, but in order to meet what now transpires as an unrealistic release date, many of the marvellous new features will be delayed until Windows 9.

"Our developers had a big problem to overcome during the production of Windows 8," admitted Collateral. "The clock absolutely refused to go past the last day of 2012. It was like it knew something we didn't. In the end, with the release deadline looming, we decided to abandon fixing the clock and trying to get some of the new features into the operating system."

Delayed to Windows 9 is the cloud computing aspect, the intuitive redesign of the interface and the speed improvements. No longer will people be able to share user accounts across Windows 8 platforms.

"We even had to ditch the touch screen and the three-dimensional folder system," said Collateral. "This was a shame, as we were looking forward to recreating the infamous Unix scene in Jurassic Park."

With all the time spent postponing the end of time, Microsoft admit that there is only one improvement going into Windows 8.

"We've added a really nice screen saver picture," he said. "It probably won't be used, as nobody turns the screen saver on anyway."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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