Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 25 January 2012

image for Magic Mushrooms Make Depression More Fun
The chemical Psilocybin

Following press releases yesterday from the American Medical Foundation regarding the test treatment of depression with hallucinogenic mushrooms, patients are claiming that they are not cured, but they do enjoy spending time with the talking pink sock monkey named Mike.

Doctors from the AMF have linked the critical drug in the mushrooms, Psilocybin, to a numbing of brain receptors that are tied to depression. "That, and the world gets weird when patients are on the medication", says Professor Howard Duckton. "They're no threat to themselves or others, and the effects of the drug do help our patients cope better with depression".

Critics challenge the "no threat" claim with examples of their own including one patient who was continuously jumping up and down in a busy intersection trying to catch imaginary butterflies. "And one who prepared a garlic chicken dish for a dinner party only to discover that her cat was missing the next day", says Wilma Farnsworth, representative for Pharmacists Against Homeopathic Treatment.

Regardless of the future of these early tests, doctors agree that the results are worth a second look at how the drug might be stabilized for mass production. "Just as long as they don't get rid of my monkey, Mike", said Duckton, licking the sleeve of his tweed jacket.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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