VENICE, CALIF. -- The police chief of this small beachside suburb yesterday contracted with an international fish monger to lease three, drug-sniffing great white sharks. "I'm going to turn'em loose in our famous Venice canals," said Chief Ratchet. "We're going to get rid of illegal drugs around here -- maybe a few dealers, too."
Chief Ratchet said the sharks are trained to congregate around the smell of illegal substances, including marijuana, concaine, heroin, and Lindsay Lohan's breath. "All we have to do is follow the fins," Chief Ratchet said.
The chief denied persistant rumors he intended to feed suspects to the sharks. "Everybody deserves a fair trial," he said. "But it could get bloody around here if anybody resists arrest."