SWITZERLAND - The giant underground dangerous machine that may turn the earth into a black hole has given mankind some dividend, finally. After spending trillions of bailout money on the project, there is finally a use for the spin-off technology.
According to IAPOSP (International Association for the Protection of Silly People) spokesman Dr. Illysay DiotIay, the meter developed to detect bosons is also excellent at detecting clowns.
"Clowns exude bosons. It seems to be closely linked to the 'clownliness' of clowns. We do not know yet if bosons are a cause or an effect, but we are running experiments to find out. We are bombarding nerds with bosons to see if we can get them to turn into the class clowns. Preliminary results are negative, as the radiation has killed most of them. We actually had more success in our previous study in which nerds inhaled pure aspartame"
Bozo the clown (some say the godfather of clowns) could not be reached for comment. He was last seen in Switzerland, and it is suspected by our sources there that he is being used in the accelerator to provide a boson source.