Written by Joe Leff
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Monday, 12 December 2011

A study of 15 people found that those wearing baggy jeans slept much longer than the normal average of 8 hours. And those wearing 'severely-distressed' jeans reported fewer hours of sleep - mainly because of the draughts.

Researchers planned to survey more than 10,000 people throughout North America, "but many were still asleep when we called," they said. Others were observed falling asleep whilst trying to answer a long list of boring questions about brands of jeans and sleep patterns.

One respondent who wore the tightest jeans said: "Sometimes my right leg goes to sleep. Does that count?"

Lead researchers Randy Rhinestone and Luke Diehard, from Denim University Alabama, were recently questioned (wearing blue jeans) on CBS News. Half-way through the session even the interviewers fell asleep.

The U.S. Government is advising jean-wearers not to drive or operate heavy machinery. But clothes shops are reporting an upsurge in sales - mainly to insomniacs. And heavily-distressed parents have been rushing to baby-wear shops for little baby jeans.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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