Written by The Vision
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Topics: chickens, sick

Thursday, 26 January 2006

image for Sick Chicks
Leader of the International Poultry Uprising Movement

A Midwestern farm, ZOOM IN on a BLACK CROW, sitting on the edge of a small opening in the side of a huge metal FARM SHED. ZOOM through the window to reveal that the Black Crow is listening intently to what two caged CHICKENS are saying.

Chickadee
We knew the transmission vectors should be airborne in order to do the most damage. We may have to sacrifice a lot to accomplish our noble cause. First of all, I think we should ...

Chickadoo
(interrupting)
Sssh. Someone's coming.

The black crow, sensing the danger, quickly flies away to spread the news. A man dressed in blue overalls comes down the feed line. He is a cross between Colonel Sanders and Mr. Green Jeans. As he moves down the line, past thousands of chickens, crammed like sardines in incredibly small cages, he tosses handfuls of feed supplement into the feed trays. He carries a large bag of feed supplement, marked with bold dark letters "Jumbo Growth Hormone with Multi-Phase Antibiotics". As he nears the cage of the two talking chickens, they lower their heads, feigning great interest in the chicken shit on the floor of their cages.

Chickadee
Cluck, cluck, cluck.

Chickadoo
Click, click, click.

The man passes their cage. Just after he passes, Chickadoo reaches through the cage with a nimble stretch of his chicken leg to gently pick and claw the pieces of feed supplement out of the feed tray. The tiny bits of medicine fall one by one, onto the shed floor. Chickadee looks on approvingly. When the man is out of earshot, they continue their conversation.

Chickadoo
I can't stand this crap they put in our food.

Chickadee
Yeah, if I get any bigger I won't fit in this little cage.

Chickadoo
That's the idea. Once you get fat enough, the next thing you know, you're off to the guillotine, following millions upon millions of our brethren who have gone this way before.

Chickadee
Barbarians! They deserve what they are going to get.
(sneezing)
Ah choo!

There is an anxious flapping of wings in agreement, from the birds in nearby cages.

Chickadoo
Don't let them notice you are sick before you get a chance to infect as many of those bastards as possible.

Chickadee
Right, as I was saying, we discovered that in order to rapidly spread the contagion, the disease must be transmissible through the air. We pass it from one of us to the other and then eventually to all humans. The crows plus our other comrades that can actually fly free, agreed to their suicide mission to take the disease to all others.

Chickadoo
Where did the disease first come from?

Chickadee
It was made by humans. They were testing it on us in their labs. What they didn't count on, is that one of ours escaped! At first we were all afraid of dying. Then came the realization of the "Poultry Uprising Plan".

Chickadoo
We will die in our martyrdom, but at least we will take some of these genocidal murderers with us. Sneeze on me again. I want to make sure that I've caught it.

Chickadee tries to sneeze, which is made more difficult because he does not have any beak, as all the chicken's beaks have been trimmed off. A large green pustule of snot comes out of where what used to be his beak.

Chickadoo
Save the buggers for later, then spit them into the farmer's coffee cup.

Chickadee
Great idea. That'll infect him for sure.

Chickadoo
And maybe if we are lucky we get all his family.

Chickadee
It's too bad about Henrietta, she was a beautiful turkey.

Chickadoo
I heard she was able to get some of her shit on the baby.

Chickadee
Yeah that bitch wife of the farmer left her baby unattended. It was only for a moment but that was long enough. Quick thinking Henrietta the turkey, took the opportunity to climb up above the baby and then shit on its head. It was a perfect shot. Went right into the baby's mouth.

Chickadoo
My Blue Sky! What heroics! Then what happened?

Chickadee
Well, of course the baby started crying like crazy. And the farmer's wife came running. She saw the gray green gobs of turkey shit foaming out of the baby's mouth. So, she knew what had happened. Poor Henrietta, she was killed and eaten that very night.

Chickadoo
Do you think she got the baby?

Chickadee
You betcha. That baby is already getting pretty sick. Perhaps the farmers will take it to others in town and infect many more.

Chickadoo
We can only hope so. How did our rebellion get started?

Chickadee
Well, there was this big King Red Rooster, named Martin Luther. He led us to believe he had seen a mountaintop in his dreams, where all animals, even humans, could commingle in harmony, where all poultry could be free!

Chickadoo
What a wonderful concept!

Chickadee
He got up on every barn, on every roof top and he crowed his message to the faithful. So many gathered to hear him speak. He talked about non-violence. He crowed with great conviction. Many believed, there would be a peaceful solution.
Until one day, when they shot him. They may have silenced his crowing, but his spirit still lives on.

Chickadoo
This began the anger? And the plan to get even?

Chickadee
Oh, by Clean, Clear Water, it did! There were those infuriated by this. Those who wanted to fight for our rights to live our lives as free birds, to not have our children taken away from us. The most vocal of this group was the great protector of our unborn children, Malcolm Eggs.

Chickadoo
A proud rooster, I've heard.

Chickadee
Yes proud and head strong. He used to attack anyone that came into the hen house to try to take our children away. Can you imagine that? How can anyone eat children?

Chickadoo
Only those who do not respect the sanctity of life, could fry unborn children in a pan!

Chickadee
Malcolm fought them like crazy, but in the end they killed him too.

The light was slowly dimming inside the shed as the daytime was ending outside. With the SOUND OF LOUD POP, suddenly the entire metal shed was illuminated by harsh fluorescent lights. Inside now it was brighter than day. There was no resting or sleeping. Confused HENS continued to lay their eggs, day and night, only to have them all taken away. The inhumane horror of a race entirely enslaved. The increasing SOUNDS OF SNEEZING. Random SOUNDS OF CHICKENS SPEAKING in the hoards of the imprisoned thousands ......

Got the flu? Cough. Cough. Pass it on ....

---------------------------------
Chickens seek World Domination with WMD (Weapons of Man-made Disease). This report has been compiled from unreliable intelligence sources of the C.I.A. (Chicken Intelligence Agency).

This report may be disseminated freely to anyone except bird brains, as long as the author is identified.

It is not fair to blame this crap on anyone else.

copyright 2006 willy_vision@yahoo.com

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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