Written by IainB
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Thursday, 17 November 2011

image for Outstanding anti-wrinkle formula discovered hiding in British kitchens

It is present in most British kitchens either in ready to use format, pre-prepared format or totally DIY format. Regardless of how it starts off, it has been discovered that custard is the most effective anti-wrinkle formulation on the market.

"Ordinary custard has outperformed all the leading brands of anti-wrinkle cream," said Anne Tilines. "We needed a control substance for our clinical trial, and I was making apple and blackberry crumble when I realised that cold custard was just the thing."

The clinical trial randomly assigned women with one of five top anti-wrinkle creams, or custard.

"We did put the custard in little jars," said Tilines. "It looked quite like all the other creams like that. It didn't seem to matter which custard we used, some of the jars even contained hand made custard. Real eggs, milk and sugar going in there none of this powdered stuff. It didn't work any better than the low-fat mass market powdered custard, but it didn't perform any worse either."

With several thousand women assigned to each of the anti-wrinkle creams over a ten year study it was expected that the more expensive ant-wrinkle creams would show some decrease in the number of wrinkles over that period to justify the hefty price tag.

"We made several thousand jars of custard anti-wrinkle cream for the price of just one of those jars," said Tilines.

The results of the trial have finally been collated and announced, much to the embarrassment of the anti-wrinkle industry.

"The group of women who used nothing were no more wrinkly than anybody in the groups of women using anti-wrinkle creams," said Tilines. "The remarkable outcome of the study was that nearly twenty percent of women in the custard group had no more wrinkles at the end of the study than when they started."

With custard recipes freely available, or pre-prepared custard at any supermarket, there was little point in attempting to market custard anti-wrinkle cream.

"It would leak out," said Tilines. "So we're being honest. if you want less wrinkles, apply custard every night before bed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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