Written by IainB
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Topics: Music, Piano

Monday, 14 November 2011

image for Pianos to be extended by four keys
Do ray me far sso la ti toe ma do

It is the news that musicians across the world and time itself have been waiting for, as news comes out of the Scottish Music Symposium, the world authority on music, that pianos are to get two extra keys at the low end, and two extra keys at the high end.

"This is the most exciting change to music since the invention of the mixing deck," said Professor of Music at Edinburgh, Demi Quaver. "I am salivating at the thought of the music I can create using four new notes."

It will be some time before pianos start being manufactured with the extra keys, but not everybody is convinced.

"I'm all for four new notes," said Professor of Music at Edinburgh Minim Crotchet, "but these four new notes unbalance the keyboard layout. I've got a little bit of OCD, and if they put a couple of black notes with it, I'd be far happier about the whole 'new note' thing."

Kraftwerk, the German progressive music band whose hits include at least one song in a small town in Lithuania, have seized upon the new notes and are considering releasing a new concept album entitled "Mein At Werk" early int he new year.

"This will be the best album we have ever produced," said lead, for want of a better word, singer, Ralf Hutter. "We are using the new notes and three cheese graters."

1980s singer/songwriter/actor/immune to poison, Phil Collins, is also looking forward to the four new notes.

"My piano looks a bit lost in my conservatory," he said. "That little bit of extra width will make it that much more of a good fit. I may even be able to produce a new album using the new notes."

News that Phil Collins is planning on using the two new notes to produce new material has prompted music lovers across the world to call for a halt to plans to add four new notes to the piano.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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