Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 7 November 2011

image for Kardashian's Doctor Warns of Asteroids around Kim's Uranus

Reportedly looking for alternate ways to still play the victim and stay in the press over the Kris Humphries breakup, Kim Kardashian's personal trainer Sven Glutsen says that the family doctor has recommended that Kim come in for a sexually transmitted disease examination. In the doctors own words, to "look for small, fast moving and highly elusive asteroids around her planetary orbs".

Critics of the reality show media queen say that the doctor's visit was just another ploy for attention, and to potentially shed some poor light on the former Mr. Kim Kardashian. "She'd like to keep the monster ring after all", says Glutsen. The doctor reportedly found no little nasties around her buttocks, but the doctor visit and the news coverage seemed to have a different motivation altogether.

According to Internet Search engine guru Amjed Punuru, the combination of popular key words like "Kardashian" and "Asteroid" will help to bring her name up to the top of even more searches. "It was quite a brilliant media hype idea ", says Punuru. "She will almost certainly stay at the top of several search lists for months".

Triggering millions of combination word hit rates using either Kardashian's name or anything related to the YU55 Asteroid passing close to the earth, Kardashian gets the additional benefit of all that free publicity. "Wish I'd thought of that", said former media regular and paternal leech, Michael Lohan.

The impact of Kardashian's asteroid announcement could be seen immediately on search engines, where almost any mention of the asteroid popped Kardashian's name to the top of the list. Searches including key words like; YU55 Asteroid, Asteroids around Uranus, Kardashian Uranus, Large Anus, and Planetary Orbs, all return Kim Kardashian's name to the top.

"She's brilliant, or at least somebody in her media group is brilliant", says Punuru. "If you search on the NBA or basketball or Kris Humphries, there she is. If you search on reality TV, there she is. Asteroids, breasts, fashion, even a search on something as unrelated as a Decathlon brings up her name with old Bruce Jenner photos from the 1972 Olympics. It's amazing".

Others think that the whole Kardashian/Asteroid media ploy is distasteful. "The people who combine unrelated topics like a woman on the brink of an unfortunate divorce and the YU55 asteroid, all for the benefit of news coverage? Those people are scum if you ask me", says Truth in Media president, John Bland.

We agree.

More on Kim Kardashian and the Greek Financial crisis tomorrow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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