Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Cats, Sony

Thursday, 12 January 2006

image for Sony's Kitty Amplifier 'Floors em Flat' at CES '06
"Make it STOP (meow) make it STOP!!!"

Imagine YOUR kitty, amplified for sound, himself a walking, purring 85 watt BOOMBOX playing your favorites at YOUR command. Guests at '06's CES marveled in awe as dozens of 'sonically enhanced' cats scampered wildly up then down then over then under the walls, ceilings, halls then floors of the convention center playing everything from Bach to the Black Eyed Peas blasting "My Humps" in pure 3d 64 bit digital surround sound complete with Dolby meow.

"CES"
. Las Vega's annual technology showcase where corporations show NEXT year's technological marvels .. today. One 'Animal Channel' animal expert at the convention spoke with reporters about Sony's new Kitty Amp saying, with some concern,

"Normally cats do not like loud noises" adding,

"Cats do NOT like noise of ANY kind period. How Sony discovered how to turn a cat into a speaker is beyond me however .. Startle a cat at your own risk. Imagine the chaos that might ensue if suddenly 80 watts of boom-box music suddenly starts blasting .. out of THEM! Again, Startle these animals at your own peril folks."

MEOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

"We literally had to scrape Fluffkins off the ceiling the first time we bumped his wattage up to 50" said one amp beta tester of Sony's Kitty Amp telling reporters,

"You should have seen what happened when we kicked in the Dolby surround sound. "

"Initially", Sony engineers say, "we had a few problems". One spectrum analyst was in fact seriously injured when an amplified Siamese kitty named Sir Charles blasting ' Achy Breaky Heart ' by Billy Ray Cyrus at 100+ watts leaped 22 feet through the air, did a triple somersault landing on the analyst's face almost clawing both his eyes out of their sockets."

Beta testers of Sony's Kitty Amp are, however blown away by the new technology.

"It's better than Bose even the sound quality. We've got two 'amped' kitties. Put one on each side of your head at night tuned to a lite rock station? Muffin on my left? Mr PawZ on my right? I die and go to heaven, drift off to Nirvana every night I put down my head on a pillow on this God forsaken ROCK! (puff)."

Sony Corporation (now merged secretly with Walmart Corporation, check CNN) is not making any promises yet 'off the record' says that it's ground breaking 'Kitty Amp' could hit Walmart shelves as soon as .. NOW! RUN don't walk folks, MAPQUEST the nearest WALMART if you don't know where your nearest Walmart is!"

MR WHISKERS -> Make it STOP (meow), make it STOPPP!!!!!!!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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