Susan Boyle Is Seeing Stalkers

The Clinic: Today: "Nurse - Nurse - Come Quick! SuBo's seen another Stalker!! Bad news alas on the 'Builders Bardot' front. Following her on-stage catastrophe with the white stallion at The Crazy Horse in Paris, Susan has admitted herself back into rehab.

"Miss Boyle is seeing things of a sexual nature", announced Matron Anne Wilmslow. "She thinks everyone's after her gorgeous body and is suffering from 'Repetitive Wishful Thinking Syndrome', a rare condition of an inactive vagina", she explained.

"The experience with the horse should have been good for her", she added. But sadly it's unleashed a new bout of desperate sexual lust that manifests itself nightly through the visit of a stalker".

To date, Miss Boyle has been stalked by Michael Caine, King Kong, a friendly Rhino, Donny Osmond and a man called Bargis Tryhol who is known to have the biggest penis on earth.

She also claims to have been stalked by an obsessed middle-aged American woman who is chasing her around the world.

More from the clinic as it 'comes'...