Sen. Al Franken sponsors first US legislation to curb National Debt.

Newbie senator Al Franken(D-Mn) has sponsored his first piece of legislation in hopes of curbing the spiraling US debt. Franken, the first generation son of Ethel and Maurice Franken who changed their Romanian name from Frankenstein upon immigrating, placed the bill before the Senate Leader on Monday.

The legislation, SB7834, authorizes Congress to set up a International Lottery where every US embassy and consulate will be a retail outlet to purchase the lottery tickets. Each ticket will cost $1.00 US. Any person on Earth can enter as many times as they want!

The lucky winners will receive various prizes that will be awarded immediately following the drawing on July 4th of each year. Recipients do not have to be present to be eligible, non residents will be flown in and issued a visa in order to receive the prizes.

FIRST PRIZE

The first prize winner will be crowned Emperor of the United States (a ceremonial position only). The term is for one year. The winner will officiate at all major sports events, NASCAR races, and at the UN as a 'special representative'. In addition he/she will receive a mansion (confiscated from a drug lord), a fleet of limosines, a yacht, a private jet airplane, guards, servants to use while serving in this position. PLUS! $100 million dollars tax free!

SECOND PRIZE

The winner will be an US Navy Admiral for a week and command a United States carrier battle fleet. You may go anywhere you desire! As a special treat you'll get to launch a small nuclear tipped missle at a select group of South Pacific islands, abandoned of course! You will receive $25 million tax free dollars.

Plus, we'll tell you one (1) state secret! You know, like who really killed John Kennedy and all about UFO's.

THIRD PRIZE

A ride on the Space Shuttle and a one week stay at the space station! A get-real-lucky date with Duncan Whitehead or Madame Bitters depending on your preference. Two tickets to the 2010 Super Bowl, a Mercedes Benz S-600, and $10 million dollars. Plus, a personally guided hunting trip with Dick Cheney!

FOURTH PRIZE

You get to repeal one law (Franken suggests repealing the Law of Gravity ). Star in a first-rate Hollywood movie, a pair of Homeland Security X-ray vision glasses, a full-size zepillin to ride around in, free HBO for a year, and $5 million dollars. Plus, a dinner with Barney Frank in his apartment!

FIFTH PRIZE

The winner will get a 10% share in the ownership of theSpoof.com, a date with Mark Lowton, free drugs of your choice for a year, a brand new Lexus, a total make over and wardrobe, and $5 million dollars!

Lottery tickets will go on sale January, 2010.