Pope decries new Sins of Faith

Vatican City, Rome - Just when we thought we had them all covered! Today, Pope Benedict has come out with a whole new list of 'Sins' to avoid.

"It was time to update from the original '7 Ghastly Sins' to a more updated version since the original are over rated anyway!" Said a Vatican spokesman.

Today's new 'Sins' will include:

Polluting the planet or any heavenly bodies within 200 miles.
Having a 'heavenly body'!
Being a politician. Acting like a politician. Looking like a politician.
Having too much money and way too much time on your hands.
Being Paris Hilton or any abbreviated clone of her.
Writing 'Turd Stories' for TheSpoof.com and calling it 'art'.
Farting while making love. Farting while eating. Farting in general. Making 'fake fart' sounds while in church.
Neglecting to send $100.00 in Sin Insurance premiums to your nearest Church for a lifetime of coverage!
Corn-holing a camel on the Third Saturday after a full moon.
Calling any dinosaur bones 'saintly relics'.
Picking your nose in public.....Or picking your seat unless in a theater!
Wearing anything that says 'Nike.'
Parking in a handicapped zone.
Marrying your dog or cat.
Forgetting to wash your hands after taking a crap.
Watching re-runs of 'Friends'.


Tony Blair, who recently came out as a Catholic, is reported to be on-the-run as he is known to have broken all of these sins.