Not The Oxford English Dictionary Vol. 6

Confection:

1.Infection common in prisons
2. Counterfeit sweeties

Confederation

European union sham


Conference:

A conspiracy of tricksters


Confessor:

University teacher with bogus qualifications


Confine:

Punishment given to street Hustler


Confirm:

1. Company manufacturing conterfeit goods
2. Shell Company

Confluence:

The influence of criminality


Conform(s):

Police paperwork


Confucianism:

Muddled philosophy


Conglomerate:

Small rocks on prison rockpile



Congress:

What prisoners who stray from the point do


Contest:

Parole


Contra-indicate:

Point out Central- American terrorist

Contumely:

1. Not an adjective
2. Not an adverb
3. But a bloody noun put into the language to confuse foreigners and the ignorant because we have nothing but sovreign contempt for them


Conundrum:

Puzzling percussion instrument


Convalescent:

Bubbly patient on the mend


Cookbook:

Embezzlers' manual


Coop:

Housing for collaborating chickens


Cooperate:

Rent for above


Copra:

Snake found in Coconut trees

Coquetry:

Flirty inlayed wood design


Cordage:

Old rope


Cordate:

When rope was made (see cordage)


Cornea:

Disease also known as "Cheesey eye"

Cornet:
Corn that was eaten

Coronary:
Place where crowns are kept

Corroborate:
Participate in robbery

Cortisone:
Went hunting

Cosecant:
Male unable to do trigonometry (of cosecant do it)

Cosmos:
Universally abundant plant on damp rocks and walls

Cossack:
Russian bag

Cotery:
Clothes shop

Cottager:
Gay rural homeowner

Cottony:
Greed for cotton

Couch:
Lazy football trainer

Counterfeiter:

Shop assistant
(see cotery)


Counterpane:

Anaesthetic for bedsores


Counterweight:

Heavy delay before getting served


Cowherd:

Somebody with a fear of cows


Coxcomb:

1.Comb for pubic lice in men
2. Post-coital state of male member


Cozen:

Group of twelve witches


Crank:

Slowly promote someone in armed forces


Craveness:

Cowardly lake in Scotland


Credible:

Believed to be non-toxic


Cretan:

Retarded Greek


Cringe:

1.Deformed female genitals
2. Collective noun (see cowherd)


Croak:

Chinese cape

Crony:

Description of female geriatric


Cubby-hole

Animal den


Crustacea:

What happend when the Australo-Indian Plate and the Eurasian plate met (geol)


Cubic:

Cuban writing implement


Cubicle:

Square Icicle


Cuirass:

Protective leather trousers for hetero in gay bar


Cupidity:

Song sung by cherub


Curacao:

Veterinary remedy for pigs


Curate:


Hospital statistics



Curator:


Person who collects hospital statistics



Curry:

(favour) To insinuate one's self into an Indian's good books


Curtail:

What a mutt wags