Not The Oxford English Dictionary

Not The Oxford English Dictionary is a lexicon of words and meanings never in alphabetical order and put down generally when the lexicographer has nothing else but a dictionary to read.

Candid:

1. Someone with a raging yeast infection
2. Opposite of Cantdidnt

Climate:

A climbing buddy

Diametric:

1. A Welsh Surveyor
2. Dying by centimeters

Osmosis:

Brother of Tutmoses - Egyptian Pharaoh

Satire:

Randy comedy writer

Lozenge:

A diamond shaped prehistoric monument

Lubricant:

Oily repetetive slogan

Tarnation:

Member of group of Oil Producing Countries

Lullaby:

Wallaby just going to sleep

Cannery:

A tinned preserve of a small yellow bird

Lymph:

What water and wood spirits with bad legs do

Lisp:

The lips of someone with a speech impediment or dyslexia

Macaroon:

1. The Scotsman who discovered Coconut
2. To leave a Scot on a desert island

3. A distress flare used to summon lifeboatmen in Scottish ports

4. A purple-brown colour used in tartan fabric

Machmeter:

Device for measuring the speed of Scotsmen

Machiavellian:

Italian of Scot's descent

Maelstrom:

(Example of paradox)

1.Where the post disappears to during a strike of postmen

2. The flurry of activity when a postal strike ends

Paradox:

Airborne medical corps

Magnesia:

1. Side-effect of anti-acid tablets

2. The act of forgetting to take anti-acid tablets

Piecemeal:

Wedding Anniversary Dinner (paticularly hastily arranged if anniversary forgotten)

Malice:

Nasty infection of crabs

Manchurian:

Chinese person born in Manchester

Mammoth:

Giant lepidopteran

Mammillary:

Pertaining to a miller's wife

Ultimate:

Ex-partner (see also Penultimate : ex-partner who still write from time to time)

Spineless:

1. A bare mountainside (lacking pine trees)

Spinsterhood:

A brown paper bag

Irate:

(First per. sing.)

To vote angrily (see also Urate)

Knighthood:

Condom used by nobility

Earldom:

Fetish activity for the nobility (see Kingdom)

Kingship:

Part of Kings pelvis

Spitoon:

1. Somebody who hates Sakatoon
2. A particularly bad cartoon (usually concerning one's self)

Calgary:

A passion for Canada

Eror:

A spelling mistake

Display:

Not that play

Tensor:

What happens to fingers after a 200 mile horse ride

Sprayer:

A religiously zealous public speaker

Spoonbill:

Part of the accounts of a hotel

Satellite:

Member of religious sect that worshipd the moon

Lunatic:

A rapid transitory deviation in the moon's orbit

Evanescent:

1. A bubbly Welshman

2. A negative expression in Welsh (eg. Evanescant going to chapel this week)

3. A gift from God

Masticate:

To chew putty

Castigator:

Somebody who punishes large reptiles

Sybilant:

A whistling insect (usually female)

Thesaurus:

Giant dictionary (prehist)

Minute:

One's pet amphibian

Minaret:

A small part in Gone With The Wind

Importunity:

(Criminology) A police sting to catch hookers and their Joes by entrapment

Motionless:

Extreme constipation

Mountebank:

Rogue bank in Canada

Muffin the Mule:

One cause of a sore throat

Mummification:

Getting pregnant in Egypt

Multifarious:

Description of a Gay bar

Mumbo Jumbo:

Obfuscation by elephants

Mushroom:

Capacious

Burqua:

Muslim muslin bag (usually black, grey or blue) sometimes used to hide excessive facial hair

Musketeer:

Deafness caused by gunfire

Myopic:

My life story on film

Pander:

Suck up to bears

Sycophant:

An ailing pachyderm

Sycophancy:

An attraction to madmen

Navigable:

Clerk on a boat

Necropolis:

A group of cemetery guardians