Sunday, 7 March 2010
When teacher called out the list of names alphabetically, he never shouted 'Venables' when he got to the V's. Because Venables didn't exist. There was no such person as Jon Venables. From an early age, the child, who was also a child murderer, became a figment of our imagination.
This 'creature' who we must call Boy V must have had a strange time at school. Was he brought up with a 'class' of other boys of the same age? I wonder what they'd all done wrong to have won admission to that school? Was there a school-run at about 8.30a.m?
Boy V certainly attended an exclusive school. Or college. I'd be interested to browse through its prospectus. Hopefully it wasn't like one of those dreadful 'sink' schools you get on troublesome housing estates. Aren't these the schools that produce all of society's tearaways and misfits? The kids who grow up only to fill our prisons?
As an alumnae of Wormwood College, would Boy V have been sent to a prep school? Would he have worn a school cap? Or walked happily through the streets on a spring morning proudly holding his satchel over his shoulder? Or played football for the Under 15s? Or joined a drama class?
I trust Boy V did well in his GCSE's and 'A' levels. I mean, that's obvious isn't it.
Or perhaps he never did any homework because he didn't have a home to go to.
What else do people expect from Boy V?
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.
If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Follow us on Twitter