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Showing articles written by Jaggedone.


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Funny story:  Who the F is Captain Moyes?

Who the F is Captain Moyes?

Hangover report on the state of Manchester United's feeble attempts to play football in 2014! MANCHESTER EVENING NEWS REPORTS: Blind Captain Moyes (why take Kagawa off and replace him with a one footed parrot?) has hit an iceberg with his sinking Titanic and the first to jump ship are the "Roo & Ro" rats! Where were they? Searching for their amputated injured legs or too busy countin...
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Funny story:  Confuscious say what?!

Confuscious say what?!

Confuscious said: FA Cup Final, Wembley May 2013: "Both teams march out ready for battle, one in red and one in blue. South American and Southern European multi-millionaire soccer players from both teams cross themselves and look to the sky for assistance from their gods. A TV reporter observes the ceremony and before the teams cross the white line he rushes over for an interview from 2 p...
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Funny story:  Statues to be erected all over the planet in honour of total arseholes!

Statues to be erected all over the planet in honour of total arseholes!

After the stunning success of Sir Alex Ferguson having his statue revealed at the Theatre of Dreams in Manchester, the United Nations, FIFA and Jaggedone (who?), have decided to erect statues to some of the world's greatest arseholes in places where masses of pigeons (and other birds) can shit all over them (SAF is not an arsehole BTW!). The statues would then become symbols of human madness an...
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Funny story:  A day in the life!

A day in the life!

This magazine article is dedicated to our local tramp called Kninky by the local inhabitants in this down to earth, Dutch village called Tegelen. "A day in the life" by Jaggedone "Got up, got out of bed (two copies of the local newspaper De Limburger Dagblad and a park bench, if you're lucky!), didn't put a comb across my head because I couldn't find one in the rubbish bins yesterday" "Ea...
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Funny story:  John Terry is not a racist, he's whiter than white!

John Terry is not a racist, he's whiter than white!

The soccer world is relieved now that John Terry has been cleared of being a racist and making racist comments to fellow pro, Anton Ferdinand. It was obvious that this case would be washed whiter than white due to the fact that Terry is best mates with loads of black players and his outburst was just a "fart in the wind" with no deeper meanings. But the doubt hanging over such cases will always...
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Funny story:  Stand-up comedian Carr falls over his tax-three million!

Stand-up comedian Carr falls over his tax-three million!

Stand-up comedian Jimmy Carr has 3 million quid hidden away in a legal tax scam and now he's apologised for not paying his Jews (oops sorry wrong Jews; dues!). The scam allowed him to ship his dosh over to Jesrsey and ship it back in legally only having to pay 1% tax, pretty cool if you've got 3 million, but how the hell did he earn so much? If stand-up comedians can earn that much, Spoof write...
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Funny story:  Spoof writer cracks his head on dish washer and turns "serious"!

Spoof writer cracks his head on dish washer and turns "serious"!

One of The Spoof's most controversial writers, who shall remain anonymous, but his initials are J-O and lives in Holland, had a recent domestic accident. Whilst chatting to his missus he forgot that the dish washer door was open. Walking backwards he tumbled over the door (not the dryer) and cracked his thick-bonce against the side of the dish-washer door, a tough Miele and German perfection. H...
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Funny story:  Homophobic soccer player gets the sack, he called a homo rugby player gay!

Homophobic soccer player gets the sack, he called a homo rugby player gay!

A "homophobic" soccer player has been sacked from his club because he called a homosexual rugby player gay on twitter. This means that everybody on twitter, soccer player or "normal" people, cannot talk about or have an opinion on the following subjects. (If they do mention these subjects they are what is written in brackets): A) Taboo theme Nr 1; anybody who's a different colour than onese...
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Funny story:  Liverpool FC's Luis Suarez waves goodbye to his fans with his middle finger!

Liverpool FC's Luis Suarez waves goodbye to his fans with his middle finger!

Liverpool's jubilant Luis Suarez left the pitch last night at Craven Cottage waving to his fans with his middle finger stuck in the air. The gesture was totally misunderstood by the FA, and now they are reviewing his very friendly gesture. Why? Luis is a terrific loser, once upon a time whilst playing for Ajax in Holland he gave an opponent a love bite on the neck because he was so overjoyed at...
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Funny story:  Noddy and Big Ears accused of racist behaviour in London Underground!

Noddy and Big Ears accused of racist behaviour in London Underground!

Once upon a time, Noddy and Big Ears decided to leave their red open-top car at the Harrods parking area opting to hop on the London Underground to travel into town, a fatal mistake. Accompanying Noddy & Big Ears was their mate, Gollywog, a life long friend. Nowadays it's not allowed to call someone a Gollywog, but Noddy and Big Ears didn't care because that's his name. The three of them...
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Funny story:  Gaddafi is dead; so what!

Gaddafi is dead; so what!

They've got the scoundrel at last, Gaddafi has been shot dead, but then again; so what? He should have been topped years ago by the US, UK, or anybody with a sense of decency in their heads. He was a brutal dictator and he killed and butchered at will. He kept his people brutally under control and was allowed to live the life-style of a multi-billionaire, which he was. The millions he's stas...
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Funny story:  The Peloton heads south leaving the heathens behind, but only for a short while (?)!

The Peloton heads south leaving the heathens behind, but only for a short while (?)!

It was a rainy, stormy, (corny but true) last hundred metres between Scotland and heaven as "The Spoof Tour de Brittania" approached the border. All participants had their passports at the ready as the local customs officer, dressed in a shabby green and blue tartan kilt from 1830 bearing war wounds from Culloden and a shreaded set of bagpipes last used way back when when Scotland last won a fo...
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Funny story:  Captured UK rioters, thugs, looters and other scum to be sent to Somalian refugee camps for 3 months hard labour!

Captured UK rioters, thugs, looters and other scum to be sent to Somalian refugee camps for 3 months hard labour!

The recent riots in the UK have proved one thing, that those who participated certainly need a harsh lesson and the Prime Minister has approved of an idea from the innocent people who have been severely damaged by the riots. The rioters, looters, thugs and other scum are to be dumped into containers,without a hearing or trial, put in jumbo transport aeroplanes and shipped immediately off to Som...
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Funny story:  Apple Inc. buy the White House!

Apple Inc. buy the White House!

Apple Inc, who have more financial clout than the US government have decided to assist Obama's ailing attempt to save the US from a financial meltdown by buying the White House! There are several conditions attached to the deal here they are: A) Apple Inc. boss, Steve Jobs, takes over as President and Obama becomes his personal chauffeur and shoe-shine boy; Obama's wife his personal maid and...
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Funny story:  When your student child comes home

When your student child comes home

Parents who experience the relief of their children gaining university or college places far away after many years of putting up with them at home are sometimes driven to despair, especially when sonny boy (or girl) decides to visit mum or dad at home during the semester holidays or weekends. Parents normally attempt to avoid the visit by boarding up their front windows, doors and porches actin...
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Funny story:  The Spoof John o Groats bike run first leg; John O to Thurso!

The Spoof John o Groats bike run first leg; John O to Thurso!

22.06.2011, John O Groats, Bonny Scotland; 0500 AM (and it's fucking freezing!) Accompanied by his support team of a toothless, chewing Shetland pony, several horny Highland cattle, a force 8 gale and buckets of rain, Jaggedone set out on the first leg of the "Spoof charity bike run from John O Groats to Lands End" and he even remembered to apply his bike clips before leaving. There was no opti...
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Funny story:  US seven/eight year-old girls given botox by fame-seeking moms

US seven/eight year-old girls given botox by fame-seeking moms

Many sick mothers in the US are seriously preparing their very young girls for fame and fortune. These days it's not good enough to sing, dance and look like Shirley Temple, no, the kiddies have to be pumped with botox, drugs, have their eyebrows tattooed and may even have a bit of silicone added in certain areas too! The US is well known for breeding budding superstars at very early ages with...
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Funny story:  International survey proves religion is extinct, thank God!

International survey proves religion is extinct, thank God!

In several countries a survey was carried out over people's affiliation with religion and the results were quite shocking. In fact, in most countries, the survey discovered that religion is nearly extinct. "Thank God," said the atheists. ("Daddy, I thought atheists didn't believe in God?") The reasons for so many people turning their backs on God and his religions is the internet (new age relig...
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Funny story:  Common-sensism the new global political agenda otherwise called "Global insanity!"

Common-sensism the new global political agenda otherwise called "Global insanity!"

Warning: The readers of this particular "majestic mental magazine madness" could well become infected by the disease, the author accepts no responsibility: Please read with care. The new political agenda about to crush everything in it's path, like a Japanese tsunami (sorry), that happened before, is about to take the globe by the balls and result in the ultimate revolution and nothing will ev...
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Funny story:  Baroness Warsi has a problem being a Muslim!

Baroness Warsi has a problem being a Muslim!

The first Muslim woman to serve in a parliament cabinet just happens to be a Baroness too and she is having several issues about her religion. She feels that Muslim discrimination in the UK has become normal? Answer: After the events of 9/11, Madrid bombings, 07/07, etc, is it a wonder! She feels that being a Baroness and a Muslim has problems? Answer: So does the rest of the UK especi...
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Funny story:  Elephants are the perpetrators of global warming and ozone holes, they crap too much!

Elephants are the perpetrators of global warming and ozone holes, they crap too much!

Well who the fuck is to blame for Ozone holes appearing in our once so pristine atmosphere, look sideways and you will find the answer? Jaggedone has been researching this subject and after studying a global scientific survey I have come to the stinking, disgusting, polluting, stenching conclusion that farting Indian/African Elephants, Australian Sheep, American Cows, etc, are to blame! Nev...
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Funny story:  Chapter 5 of the sequel: The Mad Hatters tea party

Chapter 5 of the sequel: The Mad Hatters tea party

The heavy velvet drapes became encircled by the drifting, timeless, royal blue smoke of a smoking Swiss time-machine, perfect in motion, pristine in it's sanctuary. The pursing lips of EQ paused, retracted, soothingly sucking and blowing as he lay on the studded Chesterfield in his camel haired silky dressing gown wondering, "why?" His ivory pipe carved from the wisdom tooth of a raging bull...
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Breaking News...

President Obama OK' Trillion Dollar Bills

Will print only 20 but we will send our creditors and pay off national debt. And so I get no argument, I put Ronald Reagan's picture on it.

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