In an interview on Fox News to be aired later this week Bill O'Reilly states, for a fact, that he is on God's speed dial. An advance copy of the interview has been leaked to the general media.
"Yes, I am on God's speed dial," states O'Reilly in the opening segment, "and have been for some time. We are kind of on a first name basis, so to speak." The interviewer seeming incredulous asks O'Reill...
Governor Mitt Romney called an impromptu press conference this morning to reply to a leaked memo that states his mother once referred to him as a weasel.
"My mother was a liar," said Romney with a red face and an angry tone in his voice, "She said I acted like a weasel, that's not the same!"
Reporter: "Governor, why did she say that?"
Romney: "It was nothing!"
Reporter: "Why?"
Romne...
The Reverend T.J. McCorkle of Louisburg, NC, announced today the opening of his fast food chain, Road-a-Kill. "We've had thousands of folks waiting in line all day long at all of our locations," said McCorkle. "We been eat'in road kill all our lives, now you can go right to the corner, mingle with your cousins, and eat road kill fixed the right way!"
"How's that?" called out a reporter from the...
In a story that Tampa, Florida police are attempting to keep quiet, an eighty year old naked lady was Tasered by a local constable late yesterday. According to media reports, the deputy stopped the woman in a "stop & frisk" operation. No one could explain, why? The media respecting the woman's privacy is withholding her name.
Reporters were allowed to question the arresting officer after he...
When David Gregory, host of NBC's Meet the Press, scheduled the Romney family for an interview to be shown next Sunday, no one expected any breaking news. It seems nothing can ever be taken for granted in the 24/7 news cycle. An advanced copy of the interview has surfaced. It shows that Gregory appeared somewhat bored as he began the interview with Romney's wife and five sons. He began with the ol...
A rental clown from North Carolina announced late yesterday that he is entering the remaining GOP presidential primaries and expects to capture the nomination at the national convention in Tampa, Florida. The announcement, although attended by only one journalist from the local media, immediately gained traction on the internet and the social media.
The Reverend T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg, No...
In a satellite news conference from an unknown location, Adam & Eve held a press conference late this afternoon. The broadcast was deemed authentic by NASA.
The world was startled as the broadcast was in all of the known languages. The picture was bright and clear as Adam spoke first.
Adam: "How, for God's sake, were we supposed to fucking know!" It's time, however, for you to know and p...
Sports Today Magazine published an editorial this morning that reads in part:
Michelle booed by crowd at NASCAR who fart, belch, and scratch for an encore!
"First of all, the editorial board of this magazine apologizes for what seems like very crude journalism. We did this on purpose. How else do you call out crude and indecent behavior? First of all, is NASCAR really a sport? There are ma...
At last nights debate, the question of aid to Israel came sup. Rick Perry was the first to speak.
Perry: "Israel, is that where the Jews are from?"
The moderator confirmed this was true.
Perry: "First of all, I don't think we should send aid to anybody!" The Tea Party crowd cheered.
Perry: "Also, I don't think we should send aid to anybody who doesn't say who they are!" The crowd c...
Speaking from an unknown location somewhere in Boca Raton Florida, Muammar Gaddafi announced today he is bringing his new line of clothing to America.
Speaking to reporters via telephone he said; "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Therefore, I am bringing my line of exclusive clothing to America. I have had thousands requests to make these cute out...
As Sarah Palin prepared to board her bus for the Rolling Thunder rally in Washington DC his morning, she was asked by a reporter if this was the start of her presidential campaign and was she worried about the possible entry of Michele Bachmann in the race.
Palin replied: "There's nothing wrong with Michele B, maybe she's a little on the floozy side but, you know, some people go for that!"
T...
Victoria's Secret issued a brief statement this morning saying that the account of Newt Gingrich has been closed.
"We do not ordinarily comment on this type of decision," said a spokesman, "but in this case and because of the prominence of the individual involved, we will elaborate to a small degree. Mr. Gingrich's account is overdue in the amount of $125,000 and although this is not excessiv...
Sources within the Palin campaign have leaked details of a recent meeting and Sarah Palin is not pleased.
Reuters is reporting that a member of her staff, who apparently is not in favor of her presidential run is talking and telling all.
A source speaking on condition of anonymity tells Reuters that Todd Palin is the prime suspect.
Governor Palin has instructed her entire staff to take...
The news services are reporting today that Muammar Gaddafi called President Obama yesterday in the wake of the killing of Osama Bin Laden. The White House staff was skeptical at first but when it was confirmed, they put the call through to the President. He switched on his speaker phone speaker phone so his staff could listen.
First reports state that the conversation was as follows:
Obama:...
In an interview with Katie Couric, on Wednesday, Donald Trump once again stunned the audience with the statement that, "Jesus was born in Weirton, West Virginia and not in Bethlehem!"
The interview was immediately picked up by all major news media, cable television, and the photosphere. Here is the interview in part:
Couric: "But Mr. Trump, this just isn't true!"
Trump replied: "Excuse m...
Donald Trump appearing on The View last week mocked the Cleveland Indians saying that he had investigated them thoroughly after their amazing start this year and found they were actually NY Yankees players in disguise.
When challenged by Whoopie Goldberg, he said "I've spent a lot of money on this, believe me the entire thing is a fraud. These people in Cleveland have seen the movie, Field of...
As talking heads pondered and the print media wondered, the legislation approving the budget was once more put in limbo yesterday. The reason was a typo by the Congressional printing office and no one knows if it was deliberate or accidental. The Republican caucus is not amused as all the documents for the legislation contained the words U.S. Hose of Representatives and not the U.S. House of Repre...
Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey held a press conference and town hall meeting yesterday to explain his position on running for president. He started his remarks by saying, "Rude, crude, & Unattractive rocks! You got a problem with that?!" The attendees yelled in unison, "NO!"
Christie continued: "You want a beauty queen or a snob, go look someplace else. You ever look in a mirror?...
Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump held separate town hall meetings yesterday in Iowa. The purpose: To convince evangelical Christians that their past lives and many wives were perfectly consistent with family value voters.
According to members of the national media that attended, Gingrich made no apologies for his past life.
Gingrich: "Yes," and he paused, "I have loved my fellow human being...
Donald Trump declared his intentions yesterday to enter the GOP primaries in 2012 to be the President of the United States. As usual for Trump, he did it in a quirky way. The TV networks and talk radio are reporting his initial advertising campaign appears to be a take-off on TV commercials done by an auto insurance company.
An advance copy of the first commercials has been given to the press.
The travelling press corps accompanying Sarah Palin on her trip to India is reporting that it has been much less successful than Palin and her aides had anticipated. In her opening remarks at New Delhi University, Palin started her talk by saying, "Greetings from the land of Indian with feather to land of Indian with dot!" Reports say the students and faculty looked at each other and not a sound c...
It was a memo that no one expected to be leaked. It was a study by the Republican National Committee, labeled strictly confidential and entitled: Tea Party GOP; The Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
The memo was leaked by an unknown source to MSNBC. Starting with comments made by Collin Powell regarding the Iraq war, it stated the Pottery Barn principle: "If you break it, you own it!"
Its...