Secret email just posted on Drudge Report reveals the secret email todo's of all 4 ex-candidates:
Barack Obama
1. Change clothes.
2. Change location of nation's capital to Hide Park, Chicago.
3. Change Camp David to Kamp Kenya.
4. Change speed-dial setting #1 to Commissioner of Internal Revenue Service, then get even with Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michael Savage, and Judge Retort.
S...
Barack Obama at last reveals specifically his meaning of 'change':
"We cannot continue to rely on our military ... We've got to have a civilian national security force that's just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded."
When his speech is played backwards, a mysterious voice with a German accent can be heard chanting: "Turn me on, master plan -- Turn me on, master plan -- I burie...
Excerpt from his latest speech:
"I have a plan to spread the wealth. Wealth - well, it's like peanut butter.
And after the last eight years,
of the Bush administration,
and McCain will give us more of the same,
of the Bush administration,
because he's just the same,
you never see the both of them,
in the same place at the same time,
do you?
Nope.
And … where was I? Oh, yeah...
Many grade schools have begun the new school year with a new chapter in their standard textbook enthusiastically reflecting the upcoming expected new Presidential administration.
Here are samples from the new chapter:
HISTORY Section:
Obama sez: History doesn't matter. I'm going to change it anyway. Don't bother learning about all that old stuff because it's all Euro-centric to begin w...
Trying to bolster consumer confidence, President Bush has just predicted that the economy would come back, stimulating many to wonder: just where did it go?
The usual pundits immediately cancelled their massages, wine tasting, and therapy to weigh in and comment:
OBAMA: The present administration, which I'm going to replace, has kept the economy, which won't come back until I'm President,...
News flash from the Judge Retort Ottawa bureau: Ok. So, like, in a show of great northern neighborliness, the Canadians have made a beauty offer, eh. No, you should see! Look. They are so magnanimmm, magminomo, magnicartimous,… They are so big-hearted that - this is so beauty, eh! - Canadians are going to re-elect America's conservatives if Obama wins, eh.
The Canadians think it's, like,...
In addition, the FBI is expanding its investigation beyond ACORN and into other nutty American political groups.
Here's the FBI's list of top American political nuts:
ACORN - Supports Barack Hussein-Obama and has the little-acorn-to-giant-oak thing going.
(In response, it should be observed that Mr. Obama, during the final weeks of the election, is wearing higher and higher elevator sho...
ACORN executives, each handpicked by Barack Obama, ask the question: "Why shouldn't cartoon characters get to vote? It's bad enough that they're trapped inside TVs in the first place. Should they also be trapped in a world without political representation?"
Here are the 'toons ACORN has recently registered:
'MICKEY MOUSE' - Democrat
'DONALD DUCK' - Republican and Grand Wizard of Orlan...
The following popular citizens are seen with amazing clarity and detail going about their daily lives, not knowing Google and the world are watching from above:
OBAMA in his backyard talking over the fence with neighbor Bill Ayers.
MCCAIN in one of his backyards with his new snowmaking equipment getting snowmobile lessons from Sarah Palin and Todd.
BIDEN in his backyard painting Democrat...
It was an affluent town. The revered measure of achievement was, of course, the car. There were big, impressive houses all over the place, sure; with three- and four-car garages, waterfall rock pools and hot tubs out back, granite kitchens, 3-inch pile carpet, Steven Spielberg autographed movie screens in the cavernous home theaters, and more. But what did the rich and successful spend their ti...
Überdog awoke. It was quiet up in his Basket of Solitude up at the North Pole, the axis of Earth's rotation-Überdog had recently lubricated the Pole and now Earth rotated silently again. He had to sleep wearing eye covers, however, because he hadn't figured out yet how to put out those annoying Northern Lights caused by the continual partying in Alaska ever since The Arctic Cat got hitched to Üb...
Recently conducted research into Abortion Attitude has revealed significant differences between Democrats and Republicans:
Democrats define life as beginning at birth.
For Republicans, life begins when the kid finally moves away from home - for the last time.
Democrats want to abort before birth.
Republicans wait to abort until after getting the kid's first college tuition bill.
Democra...
Republicans laugh in response to humor, while Democrats laugh for more...interesting reasons.
Republicans, sadly, laugh in response to humor that makes fun of race, gender, financial status, golf scores, lack of golf club membership, lack of a driver with one of the new impressively enormous heads (the golf club, not your chauffer, you country club type!). And they laugh at lack of golf clubs,...
Nagging questions are beginning to surface regarding the VP pick of John Charlemagne McCaine and his first paladin Sarah Palin.
Will she be able to handle his election?
If she doesn't handle his election, are their any other gals who are willing?
Why did Obama want Joe Biden to handle his election and not Hillary? Is he truly then metrosexual?
What does this say about all past Preside...
To help in raising McCain campaign cash, John McCain has just announced a new line of fashion lipstick: Sarah Paladin Hockey Mom Lipstick.
The lipstick comes in several colors:
• Red State Red
• High Sticking Black and Blue
• Multiple Check Contusion Bruise Yellow
• Ice Skate Slash Crimson
But they only come in one flavor - "They taste like victory!"
And then he quickly back-peddled...
Why is it that all the candidates in the Presidential election are clean-shaven? Is it in deference to Sarah?
Or, is it merely tradition -- all top politicians have been clean-shaven ever since Alexander the Great, who never lost an election -- he wouldn't allow opposition! (Russia learned this and took it to heart.)
Alexander coined the expression: "I won by a close shave! Hah! Hah! ...
Furthering his prospects for the Presidentical Election of 2008, Barack Obama has proudly revealed the many prestigious (and surprising!) institutions that he thoughtfully, earnestly, even passionately considered joining after high school:
1st: Considered joining the military. He applied for a national guard position for the state of Rhode Island...however, both positions were already full.
Disguised as mild mannered Jowls McCanine-passive Senator from Grrizona who just loves nothing better than to discreetly go with the flow of national public opinion- Überdog fights a never ending battle against, truth, justice, and the Americanimal way. Wait a minute... Reverse that! He's on the right side!!
Überdog was streaking across the skies of his beloved nation Americanimals toward th...
"Bob! Welcome to the show!"
Silence.
"Bob! You're on, Bob!"
"Am I on?"
"Yes! Welcome to the show!"
"Is this Dr. Laura?"
"Yes."
"I'm not still on hold?"
"(sigh) No, Bob, you're live -- 20 million people are hearing you on their radios. What is your question for me?"
"Oh. Um. Ok. Let's see. Um. The other woman. Oh, yeah, your screen said get to the point. Well,...
Ode to O
If Osama been Obama
and Obama been Osama
'den who been with yo' mama
if 'dey both been in
duh cookie jara??
If Obama pinned Osama
'den Osama pinned yo' mama
'den would Obama pin
'de tail on 'dat Ladin
if he bin hidin' in a Afghan??...
Senators Obama and McCain invented a new form of political debate.
During the debate, each candidate temporarily swap political positions and imitate the other, with McCain strutting back and forth, back and forth, across the stage, like a caged wolf, while Obama allowed himself to be chained up and tortured with dripping wine from California.
(It was a risk, but his handlers assured The J...
Throughout history, dire circumstances breed vigilantes. The Minutemen of the revolution, the Texas Rangers, the Guardian Angels of New York, and now: High School Varsity Lacrosse Girls!
Ruthless, mysterious, and frustratingly misunderstood, these girls fight crime in their town because there's just nothing better to do after school-plus, their parents usually aren't home.
It was a decepti...