Terry Wogan : "Hello Is that Sean?, It's Terry here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, I have given up hosting the Eurovision Song Contest, everyone hates us, and the BBC think we should get a Hollywood Legend to provide a little Glitz and Glamour, are you interested?".
Sean Connery : "You want me to sit, in a booth, listening to Boom-Bang-A Lang for Four Fucking Hours? Are y...
Except..
Since my business went titsup the missus has returned to work and I'm looking after the kids an the house whilst I sort a few things out.
The thing is, I'm turning into her and she's turning into me.
All of a sudden I've stopped watching re-runs of the Champions League and started watching Loose Women, and worst still I find myself agreeing with everything they say.
The other...
(Football Agent) Sky Andrews : "Hello Is that Piers Morgan?, It's Sky here, Calling from Liverpool, I'll get straight to the point, As a Goalkeeper he's fucking useless, and his behaviour at the Memorial has rightly been slammed, the way things are shaping up his Anfield Career is over.
"But 'Every Cloud' and all that, it turns out the boy can Dance!, anyway I was thinking, can you get him on...
Absolutely fantastic sketch by Peter Kay on Sky Sports
Who would have thought he could top Britains Got The Pop Factor... but watching him in his Max (and Paddy) Outfit, donning a fake Spanish accent and being interviewed as though he were Rafa Benitez, Comedy Gold!
Reporter : "So Rafa, What do you say to those that accuse you of allowing WUM of the Century, Sir Alex Ferguson, under your ski...
Is this our Stevie?
Captain of LFC?
Arrested in Southport
All caught on CCTV.
Open "The Sun"
It's there on Page One, you'll see.
I'm just a Scouser
I need some help
Because I'm Huyton-born, Huyton-bred
Once a Blue, now a Red.
Whatever the truth is, it doesn't really matter to me.
[Piano: Dumm di dum dum, dumm di dum dum]
Rafa! It's Stevie here.
I've just t*watted a DJ
And they've...
(Football Agent) Sky Andrews : "Hello Is that Johnny Cochrane?, It's Sky here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, The Police are fucking useless, they've published 16 Photographs of the Homophobic Racists that abused Sol Campbell and they've only found 2, and one of them was the fucking Ball Boy, and well Sol is very upset if he was a Straight White Man they would have got them...
If Sol Campbell Had Watched Scooby Doo! on Nick Jr all this fuss and waste of Police resources could have been avoided.
I watched it with the Kids this afternoon and just like Fratton Park that day, there was a baying mob.
It was the Guys from Scooby's Old Station, Cartoon Network.
There was at least 3,000 of them and they were angry about him leaving for their main rival and they were al...
(Football Agent) Pierre Frelot : "Hello Is that Sky?, It's Pierre here, Calling from Paris, I'll get straight to the point, I have given up talking to Arsenal, let's face it, they hate me for recommending Mikael Silvestre, and well, William is very upset with Wenger for signing a load of crap Kids, he's tried everything, crying like a baby, slagging off his team-mates, smoking and drinking, but t...
Jonathon Ross : Hello Is that Johnny?, It's Jonathon here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, I might have been sacked as a Celebrity by the BBC, let's face it the Daily Mail hates me, I think I have a good case for Wongful Dismissal it could be racially motivated, but we don't have any "Showbiz" Lawyers in England, are you interested?".
Johnny Cochrane : "Let me get this stra...
Garth Crooks : Hello Is that Johnny?, It's Garth here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, I have been sacked as a Pundit by the BBC, let's face it the Match of the Day Boys all hate me, I think I have a good case for Wrongful Dismissal it could be racially motivated, but we don't have any "Showbiz" Black Lawyers in England, are you interested?".
Johnny Cochrane : "Let me get t...
(Darren Bent's Agent) Ian Elliott : "Hello Is that Sky?, It's Ian here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, I have given up talking Tottenham Hostpur, let's face it , their all idiots, and they hate me for signing him in the first place, but Darren thinks we should get a "Showbiz" Football Agent to sort out a new contract or even better, a move, are you interested?".
Sky Andre...
Except...Since my business went titsup the missus has returned to work and I'm looking after the kids an the house whilst I sort a few things out.
The thing is, I'm turning into her and she's turning into me.
All of a sudden I've stopped watching re-runs of the Champions League and started watching Loose Women, and worst still I find myself agreeing with everything they say.
The other nig...
Terry Wogan : "Hello Is that Sean?, It's Terry here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, I have given up hosting the Eurovision Song Contest, everyone hates us, and the BBC think we should get a Hollywood Legend to provide a little Glitz and Glamour, are you interested?".
Sean Connery : "You want me to sit, in a booth, listening to Boom-Bang-A Lang for Four Fucking Hours? Are y...
FA Man : So Bothroyd, you have requested this personal hearing in relation to the Charge brought against you of Bringing The Game Into Disrepute, directing abusive and/or insulting words towards Head Boy Stuart Attwell, and you had the temerity to question what is clearly a perfectly valid decision made by one of our Prefects Nigel Bannister, I'm sorry Mr Bothroyd, but that's 50 lashes of the Cane...
Our forefathers created a simple game, with very few laws, but at least one of them had the good sense to include Law 11 - Offside.
For over 100 years Men could pretend to understand this law with impunity.
No Woman would ever dare to contradict our version of events, no matter how ludicrous the explanation, or how many condiments we employed, they accepted what we said as gospel.
But in...
Something very strange happened in Stamford Bridge home dressing room 10 years ago.
Richard Keys : "Where do you see yourselves in 10 years time?".
Ken Bates : "I'll have sold up by then to a Russian, who will invest a £1 Billion in the Team and we will be one of the bestin the world, but I'll be with Leeds in Division 3"
RK : "Okay, if you're not going to take this interview seriously".