Ralph has spent most of his Crazy Check the first weekend in November and is badly hung over Monday morning at the Cement Garden Ornaments Emporium when Melvin drops by and toots his horn!
"Melvin! Quit that! My head's gonna splode!"
"I know that look! You went out with Sarah Jean and spent all yore money Saturday night didn't you?"
"NO! Oh my head. NO I didn't spend ALL of it. I got enou...
(Pete's store, 1949)
Abe and Sally Foreside come in the front door of Pete's Country Store fanning dog pecker gnats.
(Pete) "Doggone it! Those things follow you two around. Wish you would leave them at home. I had to spray for two hours the other day."
"It's Abe and his coonhounds under the porch. We'll start going out the back door. Did the Liberry Truck leave the books?"
"Yeah. Picke...
Melvin is driving over to eat a plate of tacos after smoking some joints out in the middle of his wife's garden when he sees Ralph running around his Cement Garden Ornaments with his pants down and screaming like a banshee until he slams into a concrete item that looks like a big bee, knocking himself flat on the ground.
"What's the matter, Ralph? If there was anything chasing you, I can't see...
10. Beeper in helmet that tells me defensive guy close behind me
9. Instead of a solid gold chain around his neck, he demanded a gold bolt through his neck.
8. Hold off all Tickle-Thons in the locker room, after a victory, until I leave.
7. No more towel-snapping in the locker room. Somebody's going to lose an eye!
6. No more "If that had been Eli" comments.
5. Center must...
It's the season of Prom Kings & Prom Queens with lots of starched overalls and tissued bras on starry-eyed teenagers looking forward to their high school prom this year in Kentucky. Thus far, these have been the top fifteen themes:
15. "Double-Wide Pride!"
14. "The Beauty of Buck Dancing"
13. "Indoor Plumbing, Big City!"
12. "Born To Be Wide!"
11. "The Brother & Siste...
After walking the streets of New York City before he finally managed to get "Carrie", his first book, published, Stephen King had 15 other books ready and waiting at home. However, the editors made him change the titles. It's a good thing.
Stephen King's Top 15 Worst Book Titles:
15. Sodom's Lot
14. Wojo
13. Starfarter
12. The Dude Zone
11. Fag of Bones
10. Delores C...
10. "This is CA3! Charlie Alpha Three! No UFO's reported in the past 24 hours. Geronimo Amish Buggy! Repeat: Geronimo Amish Buggy!"
9. "I've had these HIC! hiccups for a week. Send someone over to scare me!"
8. "How long does it take for a 20-pound turkey to thaw?"
7. "Send a big officer right away. I can't get this lid off the jar and I've even ran hot water over it!"
6. "Bedbugs!...
Following is the top 15 all-time movie favorites of nudists everywhere. Over 10,000 nudists were asked their favorites and we interviewed some of the ladies twice, just to be sure.)
15. Saving Ryan's Privates
14. Fred's Willy
13. Tool Hand Luke
12. A Man Called Horse (As you can see)
11. The Shower Shank Redemption
10. The Thing
9. Raging Tool
8. My Big Fat Italia...
The top ten marijuana slip-ups of Ron Paul during race for presidency!
10. It's all over here. We came in turd. Let's light...pack up and let's blow this joint!
9. My glaucoma is acting up again. Everyone here looks strange.
8. So we lost another state? Who really gives a shit?
7. Forget this Primary. Show me the Prime.
6. Are you against this too, Santorum? Ever have any fun?...
(1952: Pete's Country Store)
Abe and Sally Foreside come in the front door of Pete's Country Store fanning gnats.
"Pete we saw the Liberry Truck leavin the store. Did our books come in?"
"Looks like you brung a swarm of dog-pecker gnats in with you. Let me see. She left about 20 books and magazines. Of course, there's a dozen National Geograffics for Joe Linseed. He's probably lookin' f...
(1947 At Pete's Country Store)
Pete's Country Store is crowded with at least seven people when Aunt Edna comes in to order her snuff.
"I'll need a couple boxes of Honeydipper Snuff, Pete. Why's everbody here. Somebody have an unexpected baby?"
"You and that snuff. They say that and cigarettes causes cancer Aunt Edna."
"Shoot. That stuff gets me through the day. Also works as a enimah...
Ralph was just opening up his concrete garden ornaments business after running to the bank to see if his Crazy Check had been automatically deposited when his buddy Melvin come by.
"Ralph, you thank that President Orbama person will let old Raw Pand cut our Crazy Checks?"
"Naw. This years a votin year. No one gonna mess with our Crazy Checks till the votins over."
"Well, I brung you a nic...
(Pete's Country Store, 1938)
Jim Lindsey is having a soda pop at Pete's Country Store and there's been an argument over who was winning the checker game when it accidentally got knocked onto the floor.
"Billy Joe knew he had lost so he dumped our checkers."
"I know. He's known to do that. He also claims he's not feared of any man alive. You heard him."
"I had six men and two kings an...
Getting High In 1932 (Bluegrass #4)
1932, Goosey Holler, Kentucky
Harold & Lester hear some big news.
"Harold, Effie done told me that Uncle Pete's got some sody pop in at his store. Wanna go try one?"
"Shore! But what if we get addled?"
"I don't think they're THAT strong. Come on. I got ten cents burnin' a hole in my pocket."
Harold and Lester make the 30-foot walk to Pete'...
Goosey Holler, Kentucky
Although her cat went missing in 1981 when Mrs Candace Spencer moved to West Goosey Holler, Kentucky, unfortunately her cat is still nowhere to be seen since she moved to her new home 30 years ago.
"I let Sandcrapper out at about six that morning but told him to be back by eleven when we would be leaving for our new home. But when I finally arrived at my new home...
Ralph was back at his concrete garden emporium as Harry Woodcock come by. Harry stopped and got out of his truck, tearing out the whole seat of his pants on a spring that had come through his pickup truck seat.
"You ain't wearing any underwear, Harry."
"Quit. Gave them up! If that Brittainy can do it, so can I. Plus it saves me money. How come you was out of bidness fer a week? I even walke...
Goosey Holler, Kentucky
Ralph has an official mental malady where he draws a Crazy Check from the U.S Government directly related to having parents who are closely related, plus a little too much weed in his system. However, times are hard in Goosey Holler as everywhere else, so Ralph has been manufacturing and selling concrete items on the side.
"What are those thangs, Ralph?", asks one of...
Twilight actress Kristen Stewart responded to questions about some of the screams in the Twilight movies being real. This came after a reporter overheard Ashley Greene laughing in telling the story to a caterer.
"Ashley and I supplied some of those screams that were accidentally recorded", she told us. "Maybe you should ask her. I mean, if she wants me to tell anyone about it."
So we had to...
Although she has now lost over 40 pounds, actress Kirstie Alley says that the new pills that are really taking off her weight has some serious side-effects, she is determined to stay on them until she gets down to an even 200.
Also Alley refuses to come out of her house until she is down to 200, but she has given her friends permission to talk with us.
"Sally has lost a lot of weight alright...
It's Friday & Welcome to Today's News with Rush Limbo!
From behind the silver mike...had to sell the gold one, this is Friday when YOU choose the subject! Turdley is taking your calls and we'll hear from you after these news updates:
According to the latest Wall Street Journal, the reign of the dollar is almost over. However, the treasury says that as the dollar shrinks, it will take le...
Today's News With Rush Limbo
Good morning. We're back for another eleven hours of truth and insight! Here's what's happening:
Sarah Palin now has her tenth polar bear rug. She stated that this was by far the toughest one yet. It almost caused the helicopter to crash.
Charlie Sheen has asked me to help him get back on his show. He was at a party last night and I told him I'd try to see if...
Today's News With Rush Limbo!
"What a great program we have for you today. Newt 'The Poot" Gingrich is supposed to call in during our ninth hour, so be sure to stick around for that one. Ready for the calls, Turdley? We'll get right to them right after these news bits:
Did you know that high school kids are already getting ready for the Prom? That's what I have been told. Boy have things c...