Washington DC: A Washington DC newspaper has obtained a recording of a White house meeting between President Obama and his National Security Advisor discussing the use of armed unmanned drone aircraft against terrorists. The paper published a transcript.
President: What's the latest rationale for unmanned drone strikes?
National Security Advisor: Drone strikes are to be used only against ove...
Pizmo Beach Pennsyltucky: Philbert of Macadamia and Mrs. Philbert went on a two week vacation to Tampa FL and Charlotte NC as delegates to the Republican National Convention (RNC) and Democratic National Convention (DNC), respectively.
No surprise that the Republican Party nominee was to be Presidential challenger Mitt Romney and the Democratic Party nominee was to be President Barack Obama for...
Paris France: The Napoleon Society of France (NSF) has announced a 200 year anniversary gourmet dinner, commemorating Napoleon's Russian Campaign of June 1812. Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) crowned himself Emperor of the French and King of Italy in 1804.
The NSF will host the dinner in the Waterloo Grand Ballroom of the Paris Hilton hotel. Guest speakers throughout dinner include President of...
The following (with permission) is based on Inchcock's magazine article "20 questions about Senior Citizens answered by a Senior Citizen," but from a US readers perspective. It's akin to Rachmaninoff's Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini.
1) Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?
A: Look in the adult bookstore under PORN videos.
2) Q: How ca...
A sad Valentine's day letter.
My Dearest Consuela:
I cannot believe a month has passed since we were separated from each other and I miss you terribly. We met accidently while you were serenading at the Little Mermaid statue in Copenhagen Denmark harbor.
It was love at first sight and we had some good times together. But we both knew our affair could not last, as we come from two differe...
Washington DC: President Obama during a Democratic campaign speech given in Osawatomie, Kansas echoed the words of President Theodore Roosevelt (1901-1909). Overlooked by the media were other occasions where the Chief Executive utilized themes originally expressed by William Shakespeare.
Friends, Republicans, countrymen, lend me your tax money.
To drill or not to drill that is the question.
Dear Mom,
I arrived in Scotland to participate in The Spoof John o' Groats Bike Run from John o' Groats Scotland to Lands End Britain, a distance of 1410 kilometers (874 miles). I planned to have a few rounds of drinks, while meeting with my spoof writing buddies, prior to the charity bike run. However, the BOA airplane was late arriving at Edinburgh Airport, I missed my coach (bus) connection...
London UK: The Spoof Administrator Mark announced today the rules for a world class writing contest to determine the funniest spoof writer on the planet.
The contest begins on Boxing Day 2010 and ends on Boxing Day 2011. (For you Yanks, Boxing Day is a bank and public holiday occurring on 26 December. It is observed in the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, Ghana, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Niger...
Scholars doing research at the USA'S various presidential libraries have discovered letters written to the former presidents by ordinary citizens. Three examples are provided for President Richard M Nixon, President William J Clinton and President Barack H Obama (sitting president without a presidential library).
Dear President Nixon: It has come to my attention that you have dispatched a group...
Have you written to your Congressperson or Senator lately about pertinent issues such as healthcare reform, energy legislation, tax credits, illegal Immigration, out of control spending, the economy, the national debt, the BP oil spill or Michelle's garden? Then to only receive an inane response, written by a legislative aide, such as follows.
Dear Congressperson Doofos: I do not believe that t...
Washington DC: The Democratic left wing liberals have figured out how to divert people's attention from real bread and butter issues to amorphous smoke and mirrors crusades, e.g. climate change/global warming.
The Democratic National Committee (DNC) has issued a handbook outlining a procedure to the left wing faithful for creating big unsolvable issues. These issues allow House Speaker Pelosi...
Heaven: The Reverend Al Gore, the spiritual head of the Church of Environmental Scientology, briefly was out of communications range on the way to an environmental conference in Copenhagen Denmark. The private jet disappeared off the RADAR screen while making a slight detour.
"Where am I," said Al on awakening? "Heaven" said the angelic choir. "You mean my private jet crashed?" said Al! "No yo...
Washington DC: Congress and the president appear unable do anything about important issues such as the economy and jobs, thus requiring concentration on things that have little or no impact on most Americans. New legislation will allow the federal government to regulate thrill seeker activities, as follows:
Skiing: Required to have parachutes in the ski boots and front and rear air bags
Ligh...
On the twelfth day of Christmas (winter solstice), my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming, ($75 per drum courtesy of OPEC)
Eleven pipers piping, (climate change is causing the sky to fall)
Ten lords a-leaping, (a session of the US Senate or the House of Lords)
Nine ladies dancing, (a TV program)
Eight maids a-milking, (a PORN movie)
Seven swans a-swimming, (protecte...
Pizmo Beach Pennsyltucky: University PhD's try to correlate events with other events and then render an opinion as to whether any causality exists. No scientific method is required only an ideology, political or otherwise.
Pennsyltucky University (PU) professors correlated the vacation destinations of Pizmo Beach's leading citizen Philbert of Macadamia. They found the following:
1. Fargo ND,...
Boston MA: Each year various news organizations determine words or phrases that are overused and become annoyingly trite.
A new report published by a leading New England University considers good English words that are often used badly. Some examples are:
1. The fight ended when the ruffian was kicked in the gentiles.
2. She went to the Gynecologist to have her Virginia examined.
3. T...
The Streets of Bordello Falls
Chapter Six
The Rabbi Comes to Town
Recap: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5
Bordello Falls continues to "grow like Topsy!" There must be at least 1,500 residents, counting the permanent residents, cows, sheep, cow hands, transient miners, roadrunners and banditos. There are new Protestant denomina...
Secaucus NJ: The Hoboken Institute of Standards Technology (HIST) has released the latest political and pop culture measurement units. HIST updates this list every 10 years to keep up with the happenings in Washington DC and Hollywood.
For those readers not familiar with such a list here is an example; 1 Hitler is the absolute measurement of evil in the world, thus a number of milli or micro Hi...
Detroit MI: Hello sports fans this is Kevin of KCAR TV, broadcasting from the media booth at Ford Field. Tonight the 2009 American Football season kicks off with the Detroit Kibitzers Vs the St Louis Nudniks.
As many local lions may remember from the 2008 season, the home team didn't win a single game! To liven things up a bit I have asked the lovely Britney to join me and describe some of the...
To the Editor of the Los Angeles Times:
The other day a nice lady on the radio said "a person could help the environment and save energy by planting an organic garden, raising their own animals and buying only local produce." I wanted to do my part so I took action.
I have ripped up my lawn both front and back, to grow my own vegetables. I have additional designer vegetable pots hanging fr...
Washington DC: Republican and Democratic politicians are continually trying to cram their political messages onto car bumper stickers. Now these politicians are resorting to plagiarizing famous Hollywood movie lines to make their political statements.
Senator Ted Kennedy: "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn that adding catastrophic coverage to the Health Care Reform bill will bankrupt the coun...
Anywhere USA: Diogenes searched for an honest man with his lantern. This reporter, possessing a large strobe lamp, set out to shine the light on various people and say "enough political BULLSHIT, please turn off the machine."
President Obama: "The unemployment rate should not exceed 8%, especially when the stimulus package gets up to speed and creates jobs." Au contraire, Mr. President methinks...