In a bizarre turn of events, it has emerged that David Tennant, who played the 10th Doctor Who is to get married to the daughter of Peter Davidson, who played the 5th Doctor Who. In effect, he is marrying his own daughter. One would ask the question: "is it legal?"
Although legend has it that Oedipus married his own mother, it has never been a serious issue before. Indeed, there have been no ca...
The head of all things terrorist, Osama bin Laden, is said to be very angry because of a book written by Al Qaeda (Yemen Chapter) entitled "How to Kill Americans".
In principle, he applauds their efforts, but he does have his doubts as to whether it is the wisest move at the current time. The Americans know of his exact whereabouts and could kill him at any time and indeed, the CIA have already...
A new disorder has come to light in the last decade and has the potential to kill hundreds of people if a cure is not found.
The condition was first discovered in the port of Fray Bentos in Argentina and affects only the upper thigh, particularly the left one. Doctors have described what to look out for:
* A softening of skin tissue
* A patch of discoloration of the skin
* A strong sm...
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds that St. Peter is not there, but a computer terminal is sitting next to the arch.
He walks up to it and sees "Welcome to <www.Heaven.web>. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue." He doesn't have either, but underneath the fields is a small line reading: "Forgot your ID or Password? Click Here." So he does.
Up pops a screen which...
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
36 inches in Glasgow = 1 Scotland Yard
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
52 cards = 1 decacards
10 rations = 1 decoration
2.4 statute miles...
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to...
In a run-down part of East London a fire destroyed a dilapidated four-storey house that had been divided into four flats.
A Nigerian family of six Internet con artists and full time benefit cheats lived on the first floor... all six tragically perished in the fire.
A group of seven, Islamic welfare cheats, all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor... they too, all perished...
When the Software industry had badly gone down, three software giants. Sun, SCO(UNIX), and Microsoft started producing condoms and named them Java-condom, CondomiX, and MS-Condoms Vista respectively.
A customer using Java-condom complained to Sun that the condom didn't fit correctly.
Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard".
They boasted that it would fit any size irrespective of...
A three year study was just completed on how different nationalities treat their computer equipment. The study found the following:
The Japanese are most likely to clean their keyboards after every use.
The Americans are most likely to spill food on their keyboards.
The Russians have a red button on theirs, but are afraid to use it.
The Swedish have heated keyboards for those long, col...
In the early 1900s, the president of America went to visit Russia. Of course, Russia was still ruled by the Czar back then, and the American President was warmly welcomed by the whole Russian royal household.
As the two leaders and their entourages were dining one day in one of the huge dining rooms in the palace, the Americans were telling the Russians about some of the great things in their c...
In life, there are only two things to worry about,
Either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, there is nothing to worry about,
But if you are sick, you have two things to worry about;
Either you will live, or you will die.
If you live, there is nothing to worry about,
If you die, you have two things to worry about;
Either you will go to heaven or to hell.
If you go...
A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course.
To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Beatles at the local airport in the 1960's.
The professor showed this film for many years because it was the best example of mass hysteria. However,...
After England's display of poor quality football in South Africa, FIFA are to introduce some new rules.
From now on the coach should be a National from the country which the team represents and also each player (who plays for the national team) should not play in any other country for their entire football playing career. This would instil a higher degree of patriotism. FIFA have noted that a m...
Many years ago a friend of mine called Joe worked in the coal mines. He would go to work early in the morning, go down the mine to the coal face and do his eight hour stint, then come back to the surface to get ready to come home.
He followed this daily routine faithfully for years on end, down the mine in the morning and up at the end of his shift. Down then up, down then up.
One day whil...
Some lost footage of legendary guitarist Jimi Hendrix has recently been found.
It has been sent over to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame where the people who work there are running it through a projector. It appears to be an interaction between Jimi and a record company executive: "Jimi," the record company executive says, "I've got some songs for you to listen to and I'd like your feedback. I'v...
Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure because of the following:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In Africa they didn'...
Researcher Peter Fong has given new meaning to the expression "happy as a clam." The Gettysburg College biologist stumbled onto the fact that molluscs reproduce at 10 times their normal rate if Prozac is dumped in the water.
Fong was pursuing research on the basic nervous system of fingernail clams when he discovered that if he dumped the antidepressant into the water, the clams would start rep...
Know that Tiger Woods is back on the circuit, there are a whole new set of golfing terms some of which he may or may not be acquainted with. These are:
• A " Tiger Woods,"-- should have taken a driver
• A "George W.,"-- amongst the bushes
• A " Jim Davidson ,"-- over-clubbed
• A "Paris Hilton,"-- an expensive hole
• A "Rock Hudson,"-- looked straighter than it was
• A "Cuban,"-- needed on...
The average chunk of chocolate contains about 200 calories and because I might partake of two servings every night and is perhaps a few more at weekends it only adds up to 3,500 calories a week. That is the equivalent of one pound in weight per week.
Therefore, in the last 3 1/2 years, I have had the calorific intake of about a hundred and eighty pounds and because I only weigh about one hundre...
1. Refuse to pay for a TV licence.
2. Get sent to court to ensure that there is a significant waste of tax-payers money.
3. Call the judge an "old buffoon" so that you get sentenced for at least a year.
4. As soon as you start your sentence, apply for a television.
5. Serve one week, whilst being a 'goody-two-shoes'.
6. Rent a colour television with remote control for just £1 per week.
If...
"When I were a lad, growing up in Yorkshire, our mum would send me down to t'corner store wi' a shilling, and I'd come back wi' five pounds o' potatoes, two loaves o' bread, three quarts o' milk, some offal for t'ferret, a tin of mushy peas, a rabbit for t'whippet, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' bacon, an' 'alf a dozen eggs.
Ya can't do that now.
Too many bloody security cameras!"...
Aren't error messages good things?
Whereas many error as are really helpful, there are those that can be quite unhelpful.
Here is a selection of some that are in the wild now.
Windows has detected that there is no keyboard present. Hit F1 to continue.
Illegal error detected - You are not allowed to make this error.
Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong, please ignore.
Windows...