With both hands still positioned on the edges of his keyboard and a few visually interesting but inane documents open on his desktop, he hoped that a passer by would not notice the redness of his face and the firmness of his jaw muscles while he clenched his teeth.
It had been more than 15 minutes since Howard Kanupy had left an office carrying the presentation materials that the boss had asked...
Long thought to be an American President without any significant or positive societal impacts to his credit, Former President Gerald R. Ford has recently been identified as one of the primary influencers of the break dancing boom in the early 1980's.
Known more for his reluctant acceptance of the Presidential office as a result of Richard Nixon's resignation, President Ford admitted then that h...
Consider this article a bit of an "I Have Nothing to Write Today" part deux. I say that because I did my morning routine again, listening to the news, poking around Internet news sites to grab the top stories and looking for something I could make light of. Spoofing I think, is truly an art. The talented writers who usually appear in the top 10 of TheSpoof(dot)Com's authors are considered, at...
An alarm clock sits next to my bed, pushed to the far corner of the night stand and out of convenient reach but no matter, there is never a need to set it. For some reason the brain seems to rise completely on its own at 5:00 AM every day whether or not the rest of the body is ready to crawl out from the warmth and protection of a 20 year old faded and tattered quilt.
The basics followed. R...
The long holiday weekend began with packing and primping for the 7 hour, 500 mile crossing to various and sundry Mapquest destinations dotting the southern coast of the world's 4th largest lake. After four years physically removed from our respective families still clustered around the bottom edge of Lake Huron, my wife and I always start out our annual Christmas trek with sincere plans for mirth...
Sung to the tune of
"God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen"
God rest Merry Kardashians
On Christmas we must say,
You sound like four old cackling hens
In constant disarray.
Reality TV was great,
Till you became cliché.
Butt implants, Botox and breasts deployed.
We jumped for joy.
Oh, butt implants, Botox and breasts deployed.
Momma Kris is family pimp
"Their pictures for a price"
The...
The thin man with bruised knuckles had sprawled out across a vintage creaky green and yellow plaid La-Z-Boy with one knee slightly bent so his bare feet could avail themselves of every last square inch of fully extended footrest. Lounging in a wife beater tee and duck patterned boxers, the mid life crisis poster child was nothing more than an unlikely American tourist turned writer who found hims...
Dear Naomi,
In response to your last E-mail which asked why I didn't respond quickly to your assertion that somehow, I seemed to be ignoring you. Let me say that there could be many reasons for a delay in response, none of which have anything to do with an intentional thumbing of the nose at your correspondence. You see, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.
In fact, a plane crashed i...
Well Hey There and Howdy Friends.
Well, it had been months since ole Edna and I took a break from the smell of Wisconsin dairy air, so we turned over the weekend's milk production to our farm hand, Jim-Bob and headed back to our Michigan hunting cabin for a couple days of much needed rest. I think with Jim-Bob, the milkin' will be in good hands, in a manner of speaking. Nobody hooks up a m...
Well Hey There and Howdy, Friends.
We're still a bit soggy here on the farm this week, and there are parts of the back 40 where I can't step out of the trusty John Deere lest I find myself sunk up to my kneecaps in mud. Of course, it ain't just mud.
Edna reminded me back in February that we needed to fertilize that plot of land this year and I'd been rather generous on the manure spread...
Vegans and Cheese
This week at the Curdsville Dairy Farm, we tried to pacify all those Vegan protesters we caught stomping around our Alfalfa fields last week, by agreeing to mix tofu curds in with some of our best Colby cheese. We figured we might open up a whole new cheese market maybe, for folks who want to claim they're Vegans, but who still wear leather shoes, and generously butter their...
Perhaps slanted towards the last half of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st, weighted by the preponderance of video and audio coverage from what used to be considered routine campaign speeches, the selection of the best (or worst) political gaffes absolutely has to include the following.
Number 5.
1988 - Democratic Governor and presidential nominee, Mike Dukakis decided to take a...
Cynthia stepped out of her brand new 1995 white Buick Regal in Birkenstocks, wide belted jeans, a white long sleeve cotton blouse and matching scarf to tie her shoulder length, auburn hair back into a pony tail. Rare for an early October afternoon, the sun was beating back the clouds, heating the earth nicely and enhancing the fragrance of dry leaves on sidewalks and streets. She looked skyward...
Haven't we witnessed enough examples of indiscretion, corruption and poor judgment to know that we should stop putting public figures up on a pedestal? Should we really take what they say at face value or should we finally question everything? Haven't we learned yet that those who seem to take the hardest line (for or against) a particular lifestyle, religious viewpoint, or political position ar...
Just in time for Spring and Summer, the Astrological Star Society based in Jackson Hole, Wyoming has expanded its customized translations for the workforce by including specialized astrology readings for working class women and men in the Crack Whore profession. Starting in May, the A.S.S. will publish new insight gleaned from the stars to guide your personal and professional lives. The stars are...
As if there weren't already enough rants available on the interwebs, featuring fanatical right or political left, bible thumping religious exclusivity, social, cultural or gender based preeminence, why not one more dedicated to the plight of the modern 50+ year old male.
Regardless of race, class, cultural upbringing or religious background, the Over Fifty Male, known in this thread to be the O...
Surprising most who found the man still figuratively alive and unscathed from the hundreds of omnivores surrounding him in a close-knit community of newspaper professionals, one fairly obtuse hack writer with good intent, emerged for the last time from the London journalist's favorite watering hole without so much as a nibble on his pinkie.
Mr. Pat Wohm began adulthood as an above average Engli...
At the close of yet another Holiday season, complete with all the social interaction stress, heartburn, and credit card debt, which causes a bit of its own monetary stress and heartburn, I hesitated over the proper opening words to this story because although plainly cliché, the description would be entirely accurate. That said,
"It was a dark and stormy night".
The clan of five was distrib...
Vinny "Two Guns" Banducci, 76, of Newark, New Jersey, left this earth on Saturday, December 11, 2010 after a lengthy and rare illness resulting from an over production of Testosterone.
Vinny was survived by his wife, Nina of 39 years, brother Vito and sister Donna, with close and personal friends Scarlett Sparkles of Las Vegas, Nevada, Candy Kane of Atlantic City, New Jersey, Passion Alvarez...
Not so much a TV theme parody, just a favorite song that plays into the truth and partial injustice of the fat American persona. To the tune of Hotel California.
On a dark SoCal highway, warm smog in my hair
Warm smell of fresh pizza, rises up through the air
On the right past the stop sign, I saw a glowing red light
My stomach growled and my will wore thin
I had to stop for a bite.
It is sort of interesting really, that in what has clearly become a world economy, where all now seem to thrive or die based on each other's economic health, that the major world players including China would tell the U.S. to go take an abrasive one in the arse.
A bit of a shocking response given that the largest consumer market in the world, the economy that kick starts the world economy in ma...
And in order to answer Ms. Charpa's call, I have created a spoof theme song to one of my boyhood syndicated favotites, the Addams Family. And I was forced to write this intro to claim a minimum of 100 words so that it could be published. (108)
Then I noticed that the advertising on the left side, really screwed up the alighment of the lyrics, so I decided to write a little bit more to push the...