Dear Duff,
I think that I'm just too nice and I think that this is not allowing me to see the bad side of people.
Just recently I had a builder round to quote for an extension. I asked if he had any satisfied customers and he told me that he was always doing work for Esther Rantzen.
He then asked me for thirty grand up front, "just for exes like squire" and it was only after I had given...
Dear Duff,
Just recently I seem to be unable to keep a civil tongue in my head.
During a recent trip to Australia I called the Prime Minister a one-eyed Scottish idiot and I'm worried by what I might do next.
You see I have an invitation to a garden party at Buckingham Palace this coming summer and I am to be introduced to Her Majesty the Queen in person.
I'm afraid that I might blurt...
Dear Duff
I think I'm going crackers because I'm hearing voices all the time and I can't seem to get any peace.
I go out to Strabucks and there are people talking - voices. I then go to the supermarket and hear people talking there also - more voices.
But the worst thing of all is I may be lying in bed at night and then get up and press a tumbler against my neighbours wall. I can frequent...
Dear Duff,
You may think that this is a rather trivial matter but to me it's actually a matter of life and death.
I'm currently suspended from a suspension bridge (rather apt that isn't it?)But thanks to modern technology and in particular my Blackberry, I am in fact able to email you asking for assistance.
So, do you think that if I try and struggle free from the straight jacket that Nos...
Dear Duff,
I'm at my wits' end and don't know who to turn to. I suspect that my wife, Georgina, is in fact an alien visiting Earth from a far-distant galaxy where no man has boldly gone before.
It's the little things she does that give it away, like for example, gripping the bars of the electric fire with her bare hands. She says that it's just to help her circulation during these cold Janua...
Dear Duff,
My husband is hiding a secret from me, I'm sure of it. He is becoming furtive in his behaviour and last week when he was out playing golf I found a weapon of mass destruction hidden behind a loose tile in the bathroom.
Do you think that he's possibly chosen world domination over our idyllic lives here in Cheadle Hulme? Or do you perhaps think that if I turn a blind-eye all this fo...
Dear Duff,
I am beginning to worry about what's happening to me. For a while now I have had a strange sense of feeling superior to everyone else.
I have stopped my subscriptions to various charities and I no longer buy The Big issue from street sellers. I also long to see tramps flogged and mortgage defaulters thrown out on the streets.
Do you think that there may be something wrong with...
Sir,
As a licence fee-payer I have to say that I am disgusted that Jonathan Ross is once more being allowed to spew his vile filth over the airwaves by the BBC.
We were told that he was sorry and that he'd changed his ways. But can a leopard really change his spots? I think not.
Thanks to my profession as a sound engineer I have access to state-of-the-art sound manipulation software, and...
Save Us From These Morons...
M'am You're An Absolute marvel...
Customer Service...
Lose Our Grip On Reality For Pity's sake...