As a registered voter you have an obligation to educate yourself on he issues, especially since it has become so hard to differentiate between what is truth and what are outright fabrications. The O'Reilly Factor, right wing radio, and the Republican debates have been nothing more than liars conventions, as distortions, "readjustments of reality" and outright lies have become the center of the GOP...
My woman Susan is a materialistic soul, but she is also a Vivica Fox lookalike and is thick as a block of government cheese, so you see why I would want to hold onto her. In fact, with the holidays approaching, I made up my mind to propose to her. However, before I could pop the question, she told me that we needed to sit down and have a talk.
I assumed the worst: I would be dumped during the h...
Okay, I missed on more than a few of my 2011 predictions, but came close on so many others. Again taking my cue from other media prognosticators, here are my predictions for 2012. Just like last year, my predictions are brought to you by Miss Cleo and Crandall's New and Used Crystal Balls, of Locust Ridge, Louisiana, and our new sponsor, Gorgon's House Of Backdoor Lubricants. FOR SCREEN DOOR USE...
I was getting ready to watch the World Series and I was enduring the atrocious warbling of an off-key canary when I thought back to some yellowed papers I'd purchased at a garage sale. It was the diary of a man named George Wemby, who was a childhood friend of Francis Scott Key. That diary contains the true meaning of the lyrics Key wrote. (This has been confirmed by researchers from Harvard, whom...
In a recent opinion piece, a movie critic raised the question, "How has Universal studios managed to turn a child's game (Battleship) into a major motion picture. What's next - Yahtzee?"
While the critic's question may have been tongue-in-cheek, research shows that he wasn't far off. Due to the lack of originality in Tinsel Town, studios are scrambling to buy the rights to numerous board and fa...
Every man, after learning he can get some on a steady basis, names his penis. I know it sounds juvenile and in fact, most adults would say that it is. You can't get a fifty-year-old man to admit it, but at some point he's named his wang. Oftentimes i\he refers to it by name when around good friends.
Some give their dicks obvious names, something macho like "Rocco," "Big Red" (especially white...
The Halloween weekend is one of Hollywood's most lucrative, but this year's batch of films leaves something to be desired. This list of Labor Day "blockbusters" was passed to me by an executive at a major studio. Plot summaries are below.
PATCHES - Based on the heart-wrenching, tear-jerking, suicide-inducing blues ballad by Clarence Carter. Oprah Winfrey presents this mind-numbing tale of a boy...
Ring In The New Year!
By Timothy N. Stelly, Sr.
Taking a page from the National Enquirer and other errant epistles, here are my predictions for 2011, many of them macabre. These prognostications are brought to you by Miss Cleo and Crandall's New and Used Crystal Balls, of Locust Ridge, Louisiana
JORAN AND O.J. FACE SHOWER DANGERS. Yep, The Danish Bad Boy "takes one for the team" after he is...
I foresee the day when Hollywood, which currently has nothing to offer except warmed over repition, will have to change. Otherwise, moviegoers will wake up and grow weary of the lack of ingenuity and this onslaught of formulaic filmmaking. But I think I may have come up with the greatest, and at the same time the worst, idea that will save the industry.
It's quite simple, really. Instead of...
Ogres, gargoyles, sorcerers, fairies, gremlins, trolls, elves, goblins, leprechauns, vampires, ghosts, unicorns, centaurs, werewolves, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Frankenstein, the Easter Bunny, the Hamburglar, wicked witches, Martians, the Grinch, the Sand Man and the Grim Reaper. All are bunk creations, but no worse than fortunetellers, radio psychologists, TV Evangelists, numerologists, Tarot...
Recently, columnist/funnyman Pat Hurley, claimed that Saddam Hussein would appeal his death sentence and run for the U.S. Presidency. Pat was half right. Saddam is alive and well, living here in the U.S. It was not Saddam who was hanged in Iraq, but a poorly paid double, who when you think about it gives new meaning to the Biblical quotation, 'the wages of sin are death."...