Last month, I got into a discussion on line with someone trying to defend movies like "No Country For Old Men" as being a "true modern western" and having the "western spirit." Here is my response to him. Maybe I got a little bit preachy and maybe it is something that I just needed to say because of the moment, but I said it anyway.
Yes, this is a humor website. We do specialize in satire here.
The Obama Health Care Plan (a.k.a. Obamacare) rolled out the first of their schedules that will begin effective January 1. Some examples are as follows:
Childbirth: May only take place on Mondays between 8:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. (unless the Monday falls on a Federal holiday) and Wednesdays between 4:00 p.m. and midnight. Persons expecting delivery (male or female) must check into the hospital th...
Kinky Friedman has finally given the inspiration behind his hit single "Asshole From El Paso."
Friedman, who ran unsuccessfully for Governor of the Lone Star State, said that "I guess everyone knows that my song is a take off on I'm Proud to Be and Okie From Muskogee. Well, I really did know an Asshole From El Paso, and I thought that I would be like Weird Al Yankovic and change around the lyr...
President Barack Obama, in an unprecedented move, has announced plans to dissolve the Senate and the House of Representatives. The movement has already been upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court, whose vote to support the measure was unanimous considering the guns put to their heads.
Said Obama in a news conference in the White House Briefing Room, "The American People have spoken. We need to stay...
Skippy Goes To The Zoo
Introduction: Skippy the dog liked his new master. He liked sleeping on the warm floor of the laundry room in an old laundry basket, curled up in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles blanket. He also enjoyed his dog biscuits and the occasional belly rubs from his owners.
Skippy, however, was not really a dog!
Even though he was picked up from the pound, even though h...
Skippy Meets A Friend
Introduction: Skippy the dog liked his new master. He liked sleeping on the warm floor of the laundry room in an old laundry basket, curled up in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles blanket. He also enjoyed his dog biscuits and the occasional belly rubs from his owners.
Skippy, however, was not really a dog!
Even though he was picked up from the pound, even though he...
Yes, the headline says it all. My wife's cats deserve to die. Just like mass murderers like Saddaam, just like pedophile rapists like Polanski, just like cult leader scum like Jim Johnson, these cats have no saving graces or redeemable qualities.
It was them I was thinking about when I wrote my story on How to Skin a Cat. It was them that I wrote about when I shared this experience.
My wi...
Yesterday, an incident happened to me at a local warehouse store. That incident enraged me and had me shooting steam out of my ears and spitting fire.
While there is some humour in this article, let me say that it is mostly editorial. I take full responsibility for the words here, because they are mine. This publication/on line magazine recognizes that and is not responsible for my feeling t...
What if the Thirteen Colonies had been unsuccessful in their attempts (almost 250 years ago) to gain their independence from Mother England? How different would our world be today?
Down the Rabbit Hole, Part One
Sports
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Howard Cosell coming to you live from Redcoat Soldier Field in Chicago, New Liverpool. I'm joined by my good friend, Dandy Don...
The city of Las Cruces, New Mexico has banned the usage of cell phones while driving. Holding a cell phone and speaking into it will not be permitted, and neither will sending or receiving text messages. Using a hands free device and speaking with a hands free device, however, is still permissable.
Offenders will receive a ticket for any offense of driving while using a cell phone, unless the...
Researchers for The Humor Institute of Bob Hoskins University have qualified and quantified the levels of laughter beyond the basic smile, giggle, or chuckle.
Their levels of increasing laughter are:
Laugh so hard that you get a runny nose
Laugh so hard that you snort
Laugh so hard that you gag
Laugh so hard that you fall out of your chair
Laugh so hard that you pee
Laugh so hard that y...
This morning, I watched the news and sports commentary about a high school basketball game in the Houston, Texas area. Two teams in the same division played, and one beat the other by a score of 170-35. The halftime score was 100-12. The coach of the winning team says that he played all of his players and that his goal was to score 200 points.
The lack of sportsmanship demonstrated by the co...
My wife teaches school. On her way home, she was going to stop at the grocery store and pick up a few things that we needed for dinner. She committed a major mistake, a faux pas, an act of rebellion so grievous that even the ability for forgiveness is not negotiable. She bought mild picante sauce.
Now, my mother is Italian and I grew up on the Mexican border in Texas. I've lived within 100...
Each year, several new words are recognized and added to various editions of English language dictionaries. Other words get an additional meaning and have this new definition added. 2009 was no different than any other, as new definitions for existing words such as "twitter" and "tweet" entered common usage.
Many other words, however, are much more obscure. Following is a list of words that...
I have been writing a book for a few years and it is almost finished. The title is "Called to What?" A few of the writers have asked to see a piece of it, so here is the second chapter. Since it is humorous, and the chapter is about practical jokes, I think it fits here on this site.
Many of the references in my book are to my church. If you have questions or need claification, please send...
I've been asked by people why I write for this website. They say that I "should be using my time doing other, productive things." Like what, watching reality shows on television? They say that I ought to be using my writing talents to make money. Don't I need to develop that talent first? They say that some of what I write is not appropriate to people of all ages and morality levels. And the...
Okay, please note that the writer is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormons). These are some personal observations about our little sub-culture and may not be understood by everyone.
They say that nothing lasts forever....unless you are listening to a High Council Speaker.
They say that nothing lasts forever....until you get called to work in the nursery.
Okay, he's sixteen and he's relentlessly hounding me that he needs a car and his freedom and everyone else has one (and you know the story if you have ever been a parent of a teenager). He's also a pretty good kid and it would help out the transportation system at our house (and buy me a little extra sleep).
So, ....I had to go talk to used car salesman. Other than politicians, reporters, ped...
I think that I pissed off some people yesterday. Of course, for folks who come into contact with me, this is not something rare or new.
I need a new suit. I got too fat to wear my older ones (and they were old and dying anyway) and was down to just two tweed sportcoats. Since winter is approaching, I wanted at least one new suit now for church, weddings, funerals, and just looking studely in...
The daughters of Barack Obama have decided to throw him a themed party for his August 4th birthday. The theme? The Wizard of Oz.
With that in mind, what movie related presents will the sisters give their father?
Las Vegas oddsmakers are putting the possible gifts at the following odds:
A brain (30%) One of the two things he needs most, but probably impossible (even though they might tr...
I was watching television earlier (the news on one of the networks). On the bottom was the little crawler that gives you the brief story snippets. One of those said something to this effect:
The White House announced today evidence that the economic downturn has stopped and is starting to swing the other direction. They base this on the fact that 1/4 as many people have "Googled" the term "e...
The Geology teacher at my wife's school recently moved with her family to a different part of the country. My wife wanted to send her away with a good-bye letter. Naturally, we can't do things normally in our family.
We've learned that the teacher plans to frame this letter and loved it.
If you hate puns, you are in for a real groaner here (remember, I said that the woman was a geology tea...