When Yorkshireman Bob Ecclesfield invented a time-machine, it must seemed that he was going to have a lot of grand days ahead of him. However, one particular time adventure turned out to be more interesting than he imagined.
Bob, 43, wanted to know what a paradox felt like. He decided to go for the ol' chestnut of trying to kill his Grandfather in order to see whether he would end up being a co...
Don't know where to start when giving up cigarettes? Or hey - not just cigarettes, as the ad says, you can give up anything with this top-of-the-range hypnotherapeutic cassette, read to you by a robot!...
Is it just me, or as we get older do we have to put up with an increasing frequency of vomiters? I wouldn't say that I see vomit and hear vomiting everytime I step onto the streets. But when I do venture outside of my cave, it appears that I'm constantly forced to dodge the splatter against the lamp-posts.
I step out of a night-club or a bar and what do I see? Drunk people and Vomit...
Here we are, slap bang at the beginning of the twenty-first century and still at the lowest rung of the evolutionary ladder. What do I base that sleight on? Football hooligans? Night-life vomiters? No.
I base it on the fact that we still have problems with our clothes unravelling. You know those maddening bits of loose string, elastic or wool that fly away from your clothes. The more you tr...
The lowly coin started life in 3000BC by Egyptian slave-monkeys who needed a way to barter for drinks that their evil overlords would deny them. Back then, the 1 pence piece was formed with cattle dung and spittle, curved into a crude circular shape.
Even now, some coins are made using dung and spittle - the 1 Euro coin is the best example.
I demand a new reality TV show called "Celebrity Witchhunt". In the show, possibly fronted by Davina Macall, we would have two teams -
Team A: made up of B-list celebrities...
I don't really know what it is that I truly loathe about Penguins. I think it's partially due to comments like: "Awww...but the itty-bitty pengy-win is sooo cute!". Hmmm - you have to worry about comments like that. Given half the chance, that penguin would have you on your back, spreading your liver across a Ritz cracker before you could say "Mary Poppins".
I gu...
The BBC have given the go-ahead for TheSpoof to create a web-documentary, studying the effects of email in the workplace and, in particular, how they can land you in hot water.
We began the investigation by asking the general public in the street about any unfortunate incidents they had encountered. We quickly found that up to 25% of you had been fired from your jobs for inappropriate email...
Sometimes we all wake up in the morning and ask ourselves this question: "How do I fill the gap in my life that's been left gaping, by the departure of Birds of a Feather from our TV screens?"
Well, I know I woke up this morning with exactly that question on my brain. Oh, how I would laugh at Dorien's constantly rancid sexual practises, Sharon's compulsive obses...
How old are you? Are you young? Are you reasonably trendy? Can you play some sort of instrument? Do you know people similarly....afflicted?
Fine. Then everything's set up for you. All you have to do now is find a song writer.
I don't want to start some cocksure diatribe about how everything is dumb except me. I don't want to stick my fingers in my ears and shout endless incantations about wishing death and disease on everyone I encounter. I don't want to go to work in a morning.
But these are all things that I do end up doing.
"There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza. There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole."
"Then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry. Then fix it, dear Henry. Dear Henry, fix it."...
When I first beat the shit out of Peter Parker, it felt good. He'd been spying on us for a while, taking snapshots on the streets, up the stairwell to our apartment, even from outside the apartment window - and we live on the forty-second floor! God knows how he got out there...
But yeah, I ripped into the son of a bitch outside McDonalds. He was taking a photo of me eating a Bac...
I was one of the fortunate few invited to the opening of a brand new franchise, "Eye-Tooth".
The franchise of 12 shops are owned by Jacob Dereki, a successful mime artist from a village just outside of Giza, Egypt. The concept of the franchise is to allow the trading of eyes and teeth, but the most novel twist of "Eye-Tooth" is the sales method involved.
I don't believe in giving animals these 'crazy' pet names, like Golfer, Goldie and Foo-foo. Animals should be called real names like Joanne, David, Steve or Angie.
My dog is called Steve, and my wife has a cat called Angie.