A gang in America has been arrested after plotting to kidnap Justin Bieber and castrate him, thus saving the future world from thousands of "Bieber Baby's" polluting TV with endless reality shows about living in their dad's shadow.
Unfortunately the gang involved in the ambitious plot had the combined brain capacity of a bottle of mulled wine and were caught before they could even get in the s...
Scientists love nothing more than wasting public funding on conducting experiments that have conclusions children could have come up with. Back and to the Left news, sick of seeing so much money getting flushed down the toilet, pulled together some of the most meaningless studies science has completed in the past year. Please note this is not a bitter vendetta against the scientific community beca...
The Dr who performed the world's first successful organ transplant surgery in 1954 has died at his home, following a stroke. Before his death Back and to the Left News was able to attain a interview with the great Dr and now that he's dead he cant sue us for publishing it.
So Dr Murray it's a great honour to talk to one of the foremost pioneers in modern surgery-
The pleasure is all yours I...
The Liberal Democrats have finally come up with a tactic that might see them claw some of their respectability back.
Most likely it will just reinforce people's opinions of them (being spineless, EU kissing, wankers) but it might not.
Following the success of Nick Clegg's apology over tuition fees they have decided to get him to apologise for other things as well. We at Back and to the Lef...
"From the actual jungle to the urban jungle" as David Attenborough would probably say if he was remotely interested in this story. A English married mum of two says she was raised by monkeys in the Colombian jungle. We at Back and to the Left news really wish she had said "gorillas" then we could have made a selection of jokes (and pass them off as journalism) about the paramilitary group Farc whi...
British defence secretary Philip Hammond has said there will be no change in the current Afghanistan military strategy.
Back and to the Left news finds this a little strange as when we do something wrong multiple times we change our tactics. The difference is if we do something wrong it doesn't cost the arms, legs and lives of people.
"Our tactics in Afghanistan are spot on and I defy anybo...
Back and to the Left news has discovered that nearly 34% of men and 59% of women may have been treated by a bogus DR. We discovered this during our prostate exam; our suspicions were raised when asked to leave a tip. So as responsible journalists for a number of respectable magazines (Winos Weekly to name but one) we decided to make a quick checklist to make sure you don't fall into a fake Doctors...
A scientist presented Back and to the Left news with a startling ultimatum today. He said:
"Exotic pets should be banned because they are contributing to the rise in exotic diseases in our country."
He was wearing glasses so we knew instantly he was serious. He took them off and cleaned them with his faded "Skid Row" shirt. We sat in silence for a good twenty minute before we remembered this...
David "I've got a selection of shit ideas" Cameron has stated sixteen year olds may be given the vote. He said:
"Greater consideration must be given to the young people of this country. They must be represented in their Parliament as we make decisions that fuck their lives up, as much as older people. Giving the vote to sixteen year olds is something we should spend hours, weeks or maybe even m...
In October the music world is to be shocked as the greatest rock and roll mime act of all time is to hit our shores, with a show that will blow the hair off your balls.
Cheryl Cole (we will have to refer to her like this because otherwise no-one has a clue who she is) will be strutting her stuff in energetic dance routines all over the country.
Despite an obvious glitch in the tour managem...
Ex Liverpool and England midfielder John Barnes has spoken out against racism by saying:
"England is a country of passive racists"
While Back and to the Left news cannot help but admit that there have been several unsavoury incidents involving racism at football matches, what John is saying is surely a little extreme: considering he was born in Jamaica and played at the highest international...
Brad Pitt has been unveiled as the new face for women's perfume Channel NO 5. Brad decided to sell off a little more of his credibility to another soulless brand after he realised Angelina had his balls mounted on the wall of her trophy room and he remembered he was in fact a bitch. Brad had tried to fool the men in the world into thinking he was a real man by growing a beard and getting caught sm...
A new website www.grannies.web has been launched. And no; it's not a porn site featuring the old women from Derby. It's a website that is full of old timey things that will keep old people entertained for hours. Then again if they've got dementia it might keep them occupied for months. Back and to the Left news went on the site to find out what all the news was about.
And just to be clear this...
Police chiefs today outlined their new plans in how to respond to "social disturbances" or as we at Back and to the Left news call them "people acting batshit crazy". Police hope the new plans will help response times to events such as the London riots, and also allow them to use whatever means necessary to get the job done.
The four point program was out lined as such.
1.Water Cannon-The p...
After the sacking of AVB from CFC by "Red Rom", Back and to the Left news pays tribute to the boy who walked into a man's dressing room; and consequently got abused by the adults he found there. Here are ten little known facts about AVB:
1. AVB was originally called ABC but changed his name so he wouldn't get confused with the already famous English alphabet.
2. His first job in football wa...
Come 2015 there will be a rash of schools popping up all along the arse of England. Will the government provide the soothing lotion to combat this threat? No it seems the government is giving it's full backing (not to mention a fuck tonne of money) to see that military run "Kill Schools" for the most troubled youths will come to fruition.
We tried to gain access to a military spokesman despite...
For ten years now Flowing Tempest have toured the world and everywhere else. We at Back and to the Left music news caught up with the lead singer Alex Hall.
So Alex long time no see in England what you been up to?
Shit have we started?
Yes, so how's things been going?
When did we start? You haven't recorded me shouting at the Polish guy have you?
No
Good because it would put me...
Here at Back and to the Left news we have what our psychologists have called "A overinflated opinion of ourselves and our worth to humankind". Which we always took as a compliment. So because were such a wildly read news team we decided to give out our own awards based on what was great and what was shite throughout the year. We have called them The Greatest Awards In The World Ever! Granted it's...
People hate Christmas. It's a fact that has been disputed by experts with way too much time on their hands for a number of years now. People hate Christmas for a huge number of reasons be it the crass commerciality of the event, the fact no one every bought you a decent Lego set or you might just genuinely believe Jesus is a cunt. I believe though Britons "Hatred Of Christmas" stems from one place...
A debilitating strike swept the public sector yesterday causing mild annoyance and under the breath insults. The hospitals, the schools and some other self important institutions would descend into anarchy and fall to ruin. Without staff to man the gun emplacements at Hull Royal Infirmary it was feared roving gangs of feral looters would raid the pharmacy.
Back and to the Left news interviewed...
Here at Back and to the Left news we are dedicated to bringing you more examples of politicians pissing your money into the wind.
Since playing a 1-1 draw with the Lib Dems at the 2010 general election, the home of the British Prime Minister has undergone a complete refurbishment. David Cameron has lost his battle to continue lying to the public about how much it cost for his wife's re-fit to 1...
In an exclusive interview conducted not twenty minutes ago super villain Simon Cowell opened his heart to this reporter. So Simon...
Simon Cowell: Please refer to me as Mr. Cowell or a simple your majesty will do.
Ok. Mr. Cowell it's being a very hectic year for you hasn't it? All the scandals and trauma with the US version of the X-Factor must have really taken it's toll on you?[/i](Ther...