It is morning. Escalating terrace of blank cloud. I put on the CD.
How many times have I done this?
How many times have my thoughts, in my head, run as a backdrop to the music that I listen to?
Is my life a Godard film, soundtracked by the sounds I have heard since I started listening to music, me, in the grim 70's?
If I could hold myself up, and look at my own thoughts, would I thin...
Hey there!
I was sitting around the other day, at my parents, rolling a fat one, and I just thought to myself - "I'm not just not ready to stop travelling yet, I think I'll head off to Asia or the Pacific or something."
I was comparing the life I had last year, when I was backpacking around Egypt to the one I have now, you know, trying to find a job, get a bond together to move out of my par...
A blameless British population were today waking up to the true horror of the abuse suffered by them over the last thirty years.
"My god, I cannot believe it!" said Derek Scutter, 31, of Billericay. " If I had known for one moment that all that stuff about murdered schoolgirls and dead soldiers had been gained in an underhand manner, do you think I would still have paid to read it?"
"I mean,...
Dear Dr Jon, A pensioner drove into the back of me at 2mph in Aldi car park. I've been watching cable telly, and I think I'll sue her, because, mysteriously, my neck's gone a bit stiff nine weeks later. Will you do a report?
No I fucking won't. The least the bunch of Ambulance Chasers you've engaged to make money in your name can do is bother to find a shill themselves.
Dear Dr Jon, Sorry I...
Dear Dr Jon, I have a slight cough and my doctor won't give me antibiotics. For some reason I am obsessed with getting antibiotics, mainly because my mum says I should have them, though neither of us know the difference between a virus and a bacteria. What shall I do?
You should for just one sodding moment try to remember that there are people in hospital whose arms have fallen off due to anti...
Media circles were rocked today by the news that the News of the World may well have done something so pretty fucking unapologetically depraved that you might as well physically climb one hundred flights of stairs to hand over the cover price to a psychopath pointing and laughing at people and their shit lives from a penthouse flat in Canary Wharf as actually buy the newspaper itself.
It appear...
Academics are proud to announce that they have established the meaning behind glam metal band Aerosmith's most impenetrable lyric.
"It took us years", admits Professor Simon Mullet of The Lowlands University (formerly Berwick Sixth Form College), "but we have established that Steven Tyler thinks that some bloke he knows looks a bit like a girl."
Mullet says that the hours poring over Aerosmi...
Chief Secretary to the Treasury Danny Alexander today explained candidly the background his political beliefs to lobby journalists at Westminster.
Alexander spoke at an exclusive briefing arranged after his most recent hatchet job on behalf of what is in fact, a Conservative Government.
Look, I accept that I work for the Tories, always agree with the Tories and constantly sound off in exactl...