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Funny story:  Queen's Sympathy For Irish People

Queen's Sympathy For Irish People

The Queen expressed deep sympathy for the Irish people in her state banquet speech at Dublin Castle last night. The monarch was full of emotion as she spoke of her sorrow : I deeply sympathise with the Irish people in having to wear green everything - green ties, green jackets, even green underpants - it really is one of the most tiresome shades for one to have as one's national colour. A...
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Funny story:  Pink Floyd Star's Son Admits Violence

Pink Floyd Star's Son Admits Violence

Charlie Gilmour, son of Pink Floyd lead guitarist Dave Gilmour, has pleaded guilty to a string of violence charges during student protests in London last year. There is a strong possibility that Gilmour will get a custodial sentence. To raise funds for his son's defence, Gilmour Senior is to release an album of reworkings of classic Floyd tracks. The track listing is : The Piper At...
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Funny story:  PFA Nominations Announced

PFA Nominations Announced

Gareth Bale and Samir Nasri are among the nominations for this year's Professional Footballers' Association awards. The Spurs and Arsenal midfielders are nominated in the PFA Player and Young Player categories. Welshman Bale has also been put forward for a new category - "The Player That Most Of His Colleagues Wished To Hell Was English". Meanwhile, Frenchman Nasri's name has been put in...
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Funny story:  Dylan Plays In China

Dylan Plays In China

Bob Dylan fulfilled a lifelong ambition last night by playing a concert in China. The performance took place at the Workers Gymnasium in Central Beijing. To commemorate the event, he's brought out a compilation of his greatest hits, specifically tailored to his new found audience : Its All Over Mao, Baby Blue Positivery 4th Street Fujiyama, You've Been On My Mind Its Alright Ma (I...
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Funny story:  Films That Didn't Make It

Films That Didn't Make It

Following a major hacking of film studios' I.T systems, Wikileaks have released details have of films that never made it past the planning stage. Here's some of the ones that never saw the light of day : Harry Potter and The Hollowed Out Prince Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azerbaijan Harry Potter and The Order from the Takeaway Lethal Bedpan and Lethal Bedpan 2 Pilates Of...
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Funny story:  A New Feature - The Gerry McFoote Exclusive

A New Feature - The Gerry McFoote Exclusive

Today we have the first in a series of exclusives from Scotland's most popular sports writer - the one and only Gerry McFoot The writer that's done for balanced journalism what Mary Whitehouse has done for nudity...... "You know what really gets on my goat (apart, of course, from not being knighted) - the countless small clubs that are sucking the lifeblood out of the game up here. Yes, t...
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Funny story:  New Sky Channel On The Way

New Sky Channel On The Way

Sky TV have announced that yet another new channel will be launched in the coming weeks. Literal TV will be available for all subscribers from April 20th onwards. Sky TV's Head of Programmes Lionel Beveridge gave more details in a statement yesterday: "We at Sky TV are delighted to announce a new channel that we are confident will be a valuable addition to the existing viewing experience.
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Funny story:  Opera Comes to Essex

Opera Comes to Essex

An Essex landowner has built an opera house in the middle of the countryside that will showcase some of the great operattas and classical works this summer. Christopher Stewart-Smith has converted a barn into an amphitheatre that should prove a magnet for orchestras from all over the globe. Some of the works that will be featured this year include : The Garage of Figaro The Tractor o...
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Funny story:  BBC Drop Comedy Show

BBC Drop Comedy Show

Long running sitcom "My Family" has been dropped by the BBC after 11 years. Commissioning editor Brian Grenville-Davis broke the news to the world media yesterday : "Its with great regret that , on behalf of the BBC, I have to announce that the popular comedy 'My Family' is not to be given another series. Although the the viewing figures have been holding steady at 4.6 million, the Corpo...
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Funny story:  Ode To The Beautiful Game

Ode To The Beautiful Game

What a Wonderful Game (With apologies to Louis Armstrong) I see fields of green The crowd's alight It's just the latest Old Firm fight And I think to myself What a wonderful game I see shirts of blue And shorts of white The funny handshake The pants hitched up tight And I think to myself What a wonderful game The colours of the ref's cards So pretty on the pitch A yellow ca...
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Funny story:  Premiership Players' Nicknames 2

Premiership Players' Nicknames 2

The latest list of nicknames given to Premiership players by their team mates. They range from the bizarre to the bleeding obvious, but all reflect the banter that goes on in dressing rooms across the country, whether its the richest league in the world involved or the Sunday morning amateur cup competition when the teams are made up with anyone on the line who can walk. Boudewijn Zenden...
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Funny story:  Pete Townshend's Tribute to Dundee United

Pete Townshend's Tribute to Dundee United

The Who's Pete Townshend is releasing his memoirs this week. One of the most surprising news to come out of his book is the revelation that he wrote a tribute to Scottish Premier League club Dundee United under legendary manager and chairman Jim McLean, who was chairman and ruled United with an iron hand from 1988 to 2000. The tribute is called "Substitute" Here it is : "You thin...
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Funny story:  U.K. Male Life Expectancy On The Rise

U.K. Male Life Expectancy On The Rise

The number of men in Britain that has a reasonable chance of getting a life has risen dramatically in the last 10 years, according to a study published by the Social Policy Foundation. The SPF claims that ,since the stigma attached to males living on their own has virtually disappeared, most single males(who would previously have cohabited with or even married the first woman that took any kind...
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Funny story:  Spielberg Hit With Multi Million Dollar Lawsuit

Spielberg Hit With Multi Million Dollar Lawsuit

World famous director Steven Spielberg and Universal Studios have been served with a multi million dollar lawsuit by an unemployed Los Angeles labourer. The 50 page suit, filed today in Los Angeles County Court, claims that Speilberg breached the copyright of Angelino Manassa following a car crash in Los Angeles in 1981. The papers, lodged by lawyer Barnabus E. Wilstein, continue : "On Ma...
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Funny story:  Senna and Button Discuss Rivalry

Senna and Button Discuss Rivalry

Senna - "O.K. I'll go first. I think I'm the best because I can be used by landscape gardeners in ornamental gardens and can survive in most climates". Button - "Now my turn. Not only am I used to keep disparate articles of clothing together, but I can also be put on bags, hats and wallets as a form of decoration". Senna - "I can also be u...
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Funny story:  Beatles Weekend In Raploch

Beatles Weekend In Raploch

Raploch, Stirling is hosting its first ever Beatles Weekend in September 2011, when tribute bands from all over Europe will be descending on the troubled estate for 2 days of nostalgia. To celebrate the occasion, local group The Buckfast Five are releasing their own takes on Fab Four classics. Tracklisting is - I Want To Hold Your Jacket Please Mr Postman (Geez Ma Giro) Can...
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Funny story:  Scots Tory Conference - "A Great Success"

Scots Tory Conference - "A Great Success"

Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie has described as this year's conference in Perth as "the best one yet". A beaming Goldie addressed the press outside the Dewars Centre immediately after the 2011 Conference had drawn to a close: This year's conference has been a resounding success. Only 10% of our older delegates had to be given artificial resuscitation this year, which represents a 50%...
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Funny story:  Public Apology From Balotelli

Public Apology From Balotelli

Troubled Man City striker Mario Balotelli, sent off in the Europa League second leg fixture against Dinamo Kiev, has made a public apology to manager Roberto Mancini . Although City comfortably beat Kiev 1-0 at Eastlands, they lost 2-1 on aggregate and crashed out of the tournament, putting more pressure on boss Mancini as his side continue to under achieve despite spending hundreds of millions...
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Funny story:  Premiership Players' Nicknames

Premiership Players' Nicknames

Dressing rooms (whether the clubs that use them are amateur or professional level) are traditionally one of the most fertile environments for nicknames. And, just because some of the journeymen in the English Premiership are earning fortunes in excess of £500,000 per year, that doesn't mean that the naming of players (other than what appears on their birth certificate) is any less common a fea...
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Funny story:  Political Correctness In Football - No. 123 (c)

Political Correctness In Football - No. 123 (c)

Continuing our series of features on how to avoid using politically incorrect expressions in the world of football. "The Manager has had to tinker with the defence" An all-too-common practice in the pressure cooker that is the premier league, this seemingly innocuous statement has also been blacklisted, sorry outlawed as being demeaning to travelling people. "The Manager's changed to a...
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Funny story:  Bob Dylan's Ode To Dundee United Fans

Bob Dylan's Ode To Dundee United Fans

Bob Dylan's ode to the insipid travelling support that follow Dundee United. "Hey, Mr. Tangerine Man - Have a moan to me I'm an armchair fan, there is no place I'm going to Hey Mr. Tangerine Man - have a moan to me For on match days I will not be following you Take me for a trip with your travelling support Of bodies you're well short Even with free transport Yo...
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Funny story:  Biggest Ever Disaster Movie On The Way

Biggest Ever Disaster Movie On The Way

Warner Brothers U.K. have announced to the world that the biggest ever disaster movie is due to hit the big screens later this year. The publicity material released by Warner Brothers makes exciting reading : You screamed at 'Last Day' in 1999 You thrilled at 'The Day After Tomorrow' in 2004 You were terrified by 'Meltdown: Days of Destruction' in 2006 But you ain't seen...
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Breaking News...

Iron Manifold

SAN DIEGO, CA--Five years after hearing it for the first time, Danny Orsi still has no idea that the
Black Sabbath song "Iron Man" wasn't written for the film series.

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