Rome---Not long after stunning his followers by announcing his sudden retirement, Pope Benedict XVI has delivered his farewell speech before a huge crowd of cheering supporters.
In his speech the Pope explained his reasons for quitting, something no Pope has done in centuries. Here is a condensed version of the Pope's address:
Dear followers, I greet you, and I am honored by you...
The Reverend E.P. Freedmore here. From First Methodist, but we welcome Presbyterians, and shoot, just about anybody. Baptists, even. Ha ha, that's a joke.
You know, humor's not bad. I like it, once in a while. So it's okay to tell a joke now and then, especially if it demonstrates a good Christian moral.
You know a lot of people like limericks. But some of 'em are filthy. Let's see an examp...
Here, after a slight delay, the pulse-pounding second chapter of Clyde Crudwell's bestselling Skank 109!:
"Sir?" A man's nervous voice rang out in the eerie hollowness of the airplane hangar.
"Yes, second lieutenant, what is it?" came the reply from Second Brigadier Bombardier Admiral Benton Onton-Voss.
"That man you were just talking to, the civilian."
"Ye...
Quentin Tarantino here, motherfuckers. Some people are saying my new movie Django Unchained takes a superficial view of history. They say my movies are about nothing, they're just a bunch of scenes I've recreated from older movies no one's ever heard of.
You want to see a movie about something? You want social significance? My new movie is torn straight from the headlines. It makes St...
This week news followers hungry for the latest in important world events were drawn to an eye-catching headline on the front page of the MSN news provider.
"Keanu attacks Reeves" the headline read. What did it mean? Had respected thespian Keanu Reeves gone off the deep end and attempted a terrible self-destruction? Had he cut off his own arm? Had the poor man finally done off the deep end for...
The following is number 3,752 in the popular Hardlee Boys series.
"What's this?" asked Bob Hardlee.
"Holy Cow!" said his brother Rob. "It's some kind of letter! Open it up and read it."
The Hardlee Boys had been in the middle of a fine pancake breakfast when the letter arrived. It looked innocent enough, until you noticed that the letter was closed with a wax seal bear...
Clyde Cludwell is one of America's most popular authors. He claims to have over 300 million fans, though this has sometimes been pointed out as a slight exaggeration. (Publishers Weekly notes the actual number at more like 50,000.) Cludwell began in the seventies with the swift success of Sink the Titanic!, and The Wacky Afghanistan Affair, Sink the Titanic Again, and Another Goddamn Book About th...
The Spoof's limericks column has been popular with lad readers, but criticism has come from certain other quarters over what some perceive as sexist elements. In the interest of fairness and constructive criticism we present what we are told will be a humorous and thoughtful rebuttal from Val-Grace MacDorkin, a prominent spokesperson on women's issues:
You've come here for dirty humor, haven't...
We at The Spoof continually strive to advance public knowledge of important medical knowledge. Because of our lowbrow readership, this often means sneaking edifying knowledge into otherwise unsophisticated entertainments.
Therefore we hope to aid the public health situation by turning over our popular dirty limericks column to gynecologists. Our guest columnist this month is Dr. Charles Thadwa...
When you want to class up a magazine, nothing says "class" like a good dirty limerick. So we proudly present a few of them. What's that, you say? They're too blunt and could use subtler innuendo? As they go along, the meter becomes increasingly weak? Oh well, at least they're funnier than Isaac Asimov's.
There once was a lad from Kentucky
Who never could seem to get lucky.
As he beat off aga...
We are thrilled to present a column by Sarah Palin, who in addition to being an outstanding governor is also noted for her incisive grasp of American history:
The Obamas are not the first people to try to take away our guns. The british tried to refudiate our guns in World War I, and then there was the Chinese in World War II. It is World War II that I'm going to you know, talk about and everyt...
Republicans are outraged that President Obama has gotten around to killing terrorist matermind Osama bin Laden.
"I'm crushed," said House Speaker John Boehner. "What are we gonna do now? After this it's gonna be a lot harder for our Tea Party friends to say Obama's a terrorist, or that he's secretly a Muslim. Who's gonna believe that nutbag shit now? A few people will say that it's a hoax, tha...
While Prince William and Kate Middleton were being married,millions of viewers wondered what their royal whispers meant. Now professional lip reader Tina Lannin has deciphered their words for the rest of us.
Here is a transcript:
10:20--William (to brother Harry): "Quite big, isn't it? This wedding."
Harry: "Uh, yes. Now let's get on with it.
10:35--William (to Kate): "You look nice."...
The following is a special editorial by Verle Bunsen, Jr., an aluminum de-burring inspector at the Vectron factory in Elyria, Ohio.
How come no one wants to hear my bitter rants? This Charlie Sheen guy, every time he opens his mouth a crazy rambling rant comes out, and they run it on the news every time. His clips get up to ten million hits on You Tube. Audiences are lining up to see his Torp...
Readers just can't get enough of being Jack Hammered. "Give me more!" they say. "Gimme more of the stuff or I'll murder myself, I swear!" Or, "Tell me how it ends, and don't pull any punches. Start talkin', before I start breakin' things." Even dames like it: "Give me more of that sweet, sweaty detective stuff," they say. "Slap me in the face with it until the slaps feel like wet, tender kisses."...
When we published the first installment of "My Gun is Warm," the stunning new Jack Hammer thriller, we could have hardly imagined the response. Readers can't get enough of Jack Hammer.
One wrote, "I've never experienced such a thrilling tale. I feel like I've been sucker punched in the gut by a team of walruses."
Another wrote, "I couldn't put it down. My old lady tried to distract me her e...
We are proud to present an excerpt from My Gun is Warm, a previously unpublished story by acclaimed detective author Spickey Mullane.
My Gun is Warm
A Jack Hammer Mystery
I threw my toothpick into the gutter and strolled down the street. There was a girl crying her eyes out. I handed her a handkerchief. "Here, babe," I said. "You'll probably ruin...