Thinking of travelling to the country of the Rising Sun? Got the Land of Lakes on your mind?
Why not scrap these holiday ideas and throw them in the dumpster, and instead take a short commute down the M4 down to Wales: Current Population 50,000 miners; 20,000 choirs and about 4.5 million sheep.
Wales has plenty to offer the average tourist. If you like sitting in a caravan watching televisio...
Ah, Masterchev, such a pleasant surprise," the voice in the darkness cooed.
"Not really. You only sent me thirty invites to come to this exact destination, then text me to make sure I'd come to the right place, and then took a picture of yourself milling around this dingy little club. By the way, couldn't you have arranged to meet at a Starbucks?" I replied, biting on a toothpick. Not because...
15 minutes until Annihilation.
Limbo
Being completely trapped in limbo space, with nothing but the rainbow haired vixen for company, didn't seem like that bad a deal on paper.
Being trapped in a timeless region, of which I could never escape, whilst time collapsed around me, however, was something else entirely.
"I'd say we have fifteen minutes of paradise left Masterchev," 3.5 nodded...
"I bloody hope that's not innuendo," I remarked wryly, watching as #3 and her quartet of clones entered our cell. Jean La Fete was the first to approach the woman who held his heart in her palm.
"Honey, why do we keep fighting like this?" he muttered sadly. "I can change my ways. Cut the alcohol. Get rid of that bloody portrait of Dean Martin if I must,"
"You have a portrait of Dean Martin?...
The light from the window seemed to be coming from a tiny little cabin. Curious, Skoob made his way from out of his hideyhole and pressed his face up against said window.
And then gasped.
He felt around in his pockets, then sent a message to the one person he felt could help.
*
Nick Hobbs paced the wreckage of the castle, muttering angrily as he noticed how Number 3.5 and 4 had so far fail...
Global Warming. Alleged myth, or otherwise?
The world is getting hotter, and that's without pictures of Pixie Lott and Cheryl Cole on the Internet. But in a bid to keep your back garden nice and polar bear free, we give you our top five tips to ensure your world is safe and sound.
1) Don't use fossil fuels: they're antiques.
Treat them like you would with any antique. Ignored on a shelf in...
An Asian bar. An eighteenth birthday meal. And the Birthday Boy lashed on three cans of Strongbow.
What could possibly go wrong?
The night soon descended into chaos when he started to smear curry on the tablesheets. Two pints later and we were soon making our excuses.
But how can you avoid these circumstances? As always, Masterchev Inc. have the answers which will help you solve any unnec...
Tired of watching six inches of snow outside your house? Wondering how you can survive winter, even though you live in a comfy house with central heating and the works? Are you a naturist?
If so, you'll love the Masterchev "Five Things You Need to Survive Winter"! As you may have guessed, there are five things you need to survive the cold breezy nights.
1) A partner of the opposite sex
Alwa...
Sharing a cell with Jean La Fete was a bit like being Chandler in Friends. Alright for a bit, until you start getting all lovesick. Then it all goes pear-shaped.
So whilst lover boy La Fete was mooching around the three by three cell, I found myself slowly trying to map out my life on the concrete floor.
"Jean, what did you say my name was?" I asked, watching as the Dean Martin lookalike att...
It was over pretty quickly, which is a sentence which shouldn't be interpreted in any other way but for the context of the scenario.
For Olivia.
Within a second of us whispering "Bugger", 3.5 and 4 soon discovered our little hiding spot. Olivia was pulled out first, followed by myself.
"Here's one of them now. Number 3.5, do you have the anomaly reader please?"
The woman with the multi...
Not necessarily the whole knife in the back treatment, this guide gives you necessary advice on coping with people who you considered as your closest friends, only to have them turn around and backstab you: leaving you questioning your very beliefs.
It's happened to me. It's happened to us all. And here's how best to deal with it.
1) Wear an armoured bullet-proof vest. Sometimes backstabbing...
Usually when a guy wakes up in someone else's bed, he feels a sense of unease and curiosity.
My eyes wide open, I observed the thatched roof first. Kinda itchy I suppose. Not as itchy as the bloody bedsheets were.
The door opened, and in walked a rather slim and pretty woman wearing what appeared to be a dress.
"Signor Blanco, I apologise for disturbing you, but that's nothing compared t...
And now, from the hit 60s TV programme Scooby Doo, Masterchev Entertainment presents: Rooney Roo.
Rooney Rooney roo where are you?
You've got a whore to do now.
Rooney Rooney Roo, where are you?
Pay up front and come now.
come on Rooney Roo, old Man U
needs you to start scoring goals,
You don't have injuries that we can see,
you're slower than Paul Scholes now.
You know you've got a p...
Yes it's that time of the year when students (such as yours trully) are desperately searching for a University to take them on. And whilst Uni life won't whisk away this satirical writer, here's three universities you should probably avoid going to. Two are fictional. One isn't. Can you guess which?
1) The Tescos University of Northampton. Guaranteed great budget cut degrees or your money back.
Jean La Fete entered the TARDIS once again, watching as the old team of renegade Spoofers was assembled around the control panel. He watched as Morse, fully equipped with his pirate hat, observed as Charpa wrapped another fishnet stocking around her first. He watched as Skoob adjusted his pork pie hat whilst Jaggedone painted red tribal paint on his face.
Carina watched Jean's reaction as he ob...
George Osbourne's released his areas where he's going to be saving the pennies. Here's our guide of where he SHOULD have taxed and why.
* The Pork Pie industry has been supplying John Prescott and co with comfort for many years. With Johnny P. out of office, he can buy them like the rest of us from Morrisons for a fiver.
* Big City Bankers should face a huuuuuge tax on their expensive cars a...
Jean Le Fete entered through the TARDIS doors, noticing how the old team of renegade Spoofers were gathered determinedly around the console. He noticed how Morse stood near the centre, adjusting his pirate hat, whilst Charpa fiddled with her fishnet stockings out of distraction. His eyes caught how Skoob adjusted his Pork Pie hat, whereas Jaggedone was knelt with Birbee in a moment of silent praye...
The blue box time machine rocked with avengance as Captain Morse pulled on the nearest blue lever- simply because he happened to like that colour. Charpa, grabbing another machete she'd concealed in more fishnets, approached the door slowly and prepared to open it with a flourish.
Until Skoob dashed forward, kicked the door open and hurled up over a patch of blue grass.
"So much for elegance...
In Wales, you'll need about 15 words to get by. Many are slang. Here's just a few you can use to successfully blend in. Why not buy a Welsh flag and a T-shirt with Cymru imprinted on it?
1) Poppity ping: use this one at McDonalds if your sandwich ever gets cold. Slang for microwave
"Can I put the sandwich in the poppity ping?"
2) Boyo: Use this one if you want to express feelings of imme...
"Prepare to fire... the ink!" Mark yelled like a maniac as he watched the Canadian paddling her raft closer to the British frigate. "God I sound like Davy Jones. Maybe that's why I'm growing such a ridiculous moustache these days," he reflected.
"Sorry sir, quills went out of fashion four centuries ago. Shall I fetch the printer ink?" grunted a voice outside the door.
"You mean you haven't l...
Sunday was a turning point in Sorrento.
Wandering down to the restaurant overlooking the Bay of Naples, one couldn't help but feel interested in the variety of food on offer. Deciding I would try the shrimp, my initial reaction to the word CALIMARI was that of a mild pasta sauce.
How wrong could a guy be.
Out came a dozen shrimps on a bed of what appeared to be onion rings. Chewy onion ri...
A usual recipe for disaster would involve letting loose around twenty Spoof writers onto Brighton Beach for an hour. Chaos would ensue, I guarantee.
Being on some deserted island in the middle of the Indian Ocean, dripping with blood and faeces following the Gerbils' ambush however would not be a pleasant sight.
#3 was in her element, and led us down a narrow jungle path. Everywhere was the...