QM-NewsCorpse reporters have been given unprecedented access to the Bureau's legendary decoding unit that uses numerological, linguistic and symbological tricks to piece together terror suspects' agendas.
Here is a brief glance at its anagram division's profile of key players involved in the Boston Marathon bombings:
Chief suspects:
Tamerlan Tsarnaev anagrams to Relevant Satan Arm - a r...
An online reference site's French to English translation of a journo's biography continues to baffle as the following excerpt from Georges Georges' CV shows. Some names have been changed to protect the wicked. But the rest of the stuff is almost verbatim...
Georges Georges was first hired by Marc X, head of Groupe Bizarre , as editor of a new publication, De-constructing Africa, he advanced be...
Come into the garden, Francis Maude
For my Jerry (Mc)Cann of unleaded is blown
Come into the garden, Maude,
I'm left here smouldering all alone
(That damn Woodbine sticking out of my mouth
Seeds of unintended arson hath sown...)
I lit up in a cloud of dawntide mists
With the planet of Love on high
Now I realise I musta been pisst
When a bolt of lightning struck from the sky
All nigh...
London - Hailing the 'enduring bombs' between our two countries the US President called the Queen royal 'toast'.
"Your majesty's a living witness to our lyings...alliance!" Obama droned on.
"And a cheap sauce of Brazilians - er...chief source of our resilience!
"Hic."
The Queen just sat there fidgeting in her royal banquet seat, the lamb en croute aux oignons verts repeating on her e...
Skoob Birthday Eve - Er, bit of chill it was!
The Scoob, for all his leathers, was a-cold;
And hare lip'd trembling through the smouldering grass,
[Very nearly falling on his arse!...]
Silent was the crew in italic bold,
Numb were the Spoofer's fingers, while he trolled
For his suppository,
[Don't ask!]
and while his Stella'd breath,
Like pies incensed from a censor old,...
TIGER, tiger, burning bright
In the fleshpots of the night,
What trembling hand on flaccid cock
Could frame thy awesome steering lock?
In what luscious deeps or pits
Burnt the fire of thine lips?
On what thrusts dare he aspire?
He who loves to play with fire?
What cold muff or harlot's art
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy balls began to heat,...
Cyberspace - In a moving ceremony this weekend prolific Spoof writer Bureau was inducted into the official Spoof Roll of Honor after a stellar career spanning some 405 days.
Yep, folks, one year, one month, ten days, and 982 Spoof News Stories/109 Spoof Magazine Articles/10364 Spoof Snippets/1917 Jokes and 315 Fake Celebrity Diaries later, Bureau is taking a bow.
Just one question, Bureau.
The Voyage of the Starship Enterprise
Chapter Five: The Borg Queen Mudder's Holo-novel
A brief insight into into The Spoof Continuum shenanigans five years on from Date Zero...
Emergency Medical Officer's Log, Stardate 696969.2:
A centuries-old sub-space distress call from Capt Buck Kirk's Starship Enterprise has triggered a Federation listening post trip-wire in the Vulva Quadran...
Unaccustomed as I am, M'Lud, to dissecting the minutiae of cocktail-hour banter in the Writers' Lounge...I must on this occasion draw your attention to the pithy throwaway one-liner curveball slung in the direction of fetid-mouthed Mr Mutton-Dressed-as-Fox-Faeces Saga-Peddler today.
Was IRAq Puppet Prime Monster Newry Al Malarkey chosen by the Bush Administration on the strength of his name alone?...
Washington AC/DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): "Ain't ever second-fiddling to that little upstart," Hillary Clinton raged today after Barack Obama's magnificently generous offer to put the former first lady on the ticket as his Vice President.
Buckingham Palace Fiction Factory - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): The Met's Serious Fraud & Disorganised Crime Squad today demanded parity of public information following the publication of an official list of the Puppet Monarch's 60th wedding anniversary whoppers ahead of Monday's Thank-God-We-Got-Away-With-it-So-Far Thanksgiving Service at Westmonster Abbey.
London - (Rotters): Bill Clinton has told a packed London audience that he dreads the day when wife Hillary becomes President "and then plays a blinder" by appointing him as US ambassador to Iraq "to get even for that Monica Lewinski business."...
Barking, London - (Colossal Mess): Musician Ronnie Wood tells reporters about night he told George Harrison about his passionate three year fling with porn-again believer Cliff Richard:...