Dear Bonnie Contention,
I married my husband a year ago and he's become a big, fat, lazy slob.
I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I do all the housework, cook all the meals, organise our holidays and nights out, while he does nothing apart from watch TV and drink with mates. Oh, wait! Maybe that's how it happened! Anyway...
He's put on seventeen stone and the fat bastard blames me f...
Dear Bonnie Contention,
I work in an office with mostly men and have become really friendly with one guy in particular.
We just hit it off straight away and share loads of interests. We have a laugh, too, and our sense of humour is very similar.
Although my husband's never met him he's always niggling at me jealously. He's even threatened to come round to the office and 'have it out'.
Daytime TV bully and serial ranter Jeremy Koyle is to be the shock replacement for Cheryl Cole on The X Factor. This week Ms. Cole was acrimoniously dropped from the show.
Simon Cowell was interviewed by this reporter this morning.
"Cheryl Who?" he chuckled, clearly misunderstanding the high regard with which the singer is held in the UK. "She's just too nice, too pretty, and has the capa...
What is it about Christmas that excites the furniture and DIY industries to think that we suddenly need their wares?
From the end of September onwards we are inundated with deals on TV, from sofas to conservatories, interest-free and guaranteeing delivery before the festivities.
Companies believe that there is something in the British psyche that suddenly thinks: "Christmas is coming, and wh...
Despite winning four American Music awards, comprising artist of the year, best pop album, best pop male, and breakthrough artist, the American artist, as per most Americans, has little idea of his place in the world.
Terminally parochial, Bieber - whose album My World 2.0 has sold almost 2 million copies in the US since its release in March - said: "I'm from the smallest town in the world of,...
Follow the logic:
I am a normal UK citizen. I am £80,000 in debt, which I will have to rob off my friends to repay, or at least borrow from them.
Another "friend" is £20,000 in debt. I demand to loan them this amount despite my inpecunity. I can't afford it now, and I'm not assured that I will be repaid.
Of course, the banks are going to fall over themselves to lend me the cash to do so.
Dear Bonnie Contention,
I'm just about to marry Prince William. TBH I'm shitting myself. I mean, just look what happened to his Mum. I don't want to end up in a tunnel in Paris. Do you have any advice for me?
Yours nervously, Her Royal Highness Princess Catherine of Bangor.
Dear Her Royal Highness Princess Catherine of Bangor,
I am a big fan of lubrication. It makes things run more...
Dear Bonnie Contention,
I have this problem where I find myself asking perilously under-qualified people for advice. What's your advice?
Yours desperately,
Hope Toodye
Dear Hope,
I am a big fan of lubrication. It makes things run more smoothly, you can last longer and enjoy every second rather than anticipating perhaps a less comfortable moment in sex. Every day I meet people purcha...