It's the book the whole of football has been waiting for - one man's angry rants against everything from Sir Alex Ferguson to his pet goldfish, Busby. Exclusive to the Spoof are these excerpts from Gary Neville's unofficial autobiography 'Cunts'.
On Sir Alex Ferguson
'I met Sir Alex before he was a Sir, just when he was plain old Alex Ferguson or 'the Gaffer' as I used to call him. He w...
Its some time back in the 80s at a university in Edinburgh and a young couple are in their final year about to go their separate ways. The bloke, played by Hugh Grant wakes up in the bedroom of the girl, played by 90s one hit wonder Haddaway the morning after one final bender in the student union.
Hugh Grant - Um, so what am I doing here?
Haddaway - What?
Hugh Grant - You know? What am I...
The popular BBC children's magazine show, Blue Peter, has revealed to its viewers a fascinating guide on how to hack into your favourite celebrity's mobile phone.
'It's as easy as making exploding cat food' said excitable presenter Suzy Chimpteeth.
'All you need is the phone number of someone famous, like David Beckham for example, two tin cans, a ball of string, some double sided sticky tap...
It was another Monday morning in London Toy Town and Thomas the Tank Engine was all set to carry the miserable commuters to their work destinations.
He was doing the underground shift this week. How he loved to travel through those dark tunnels where no one could see him picking up the workers with their interesting body odours.
As he prepared himself for the day ahead, he noticed out of the...
1) Make a child that's sitting on your back cry by braying as loudly as possible.
2) Make a child sitting on your back laugh by taking a dump on the feet of its parent.
3) Befriend a racehorse (preferably famous) and not just in the platonic sense.
4) Look permanently miserable even when you're not.
5) Parasail in Russia
6) Appear in a pornographic film
7) Visit Blackpool
8)...
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If you've ever had the urge to be a woman in her 40's who has everything but still wants more then you should probably be seeking out some kind of therapy. Unless of course you are a 40 something woman, in which case you still should be seeking out some kind of therapy.
However, for those who still want to live out this bizarre fantasy then thanks to the team who bought you Grand Theft Auto you...
Here's the full of results of the Shitwaves NME Awards 2010
Best British 3 Piece Band From Teignmouth - Muse
Only Festival That We Could Think Of - Glastonbury
Best New Band Who We Don't Know Much About But Have Quite A Cool Name Anyway - Bombay Bicycle Club
Best Old Band Who Released A Compilation Album Last Year And We're Only Giving An Award To Because Madness Couldn't Be Bothered...
7.00 - The Simpsons
Jeremy Paxman guest stars in this episode when Bart learns to swear after watching Newsnight so Marge starts a one woman protest to get Paxman removed from the TV.
7.30 - Friends
The one where Jeremy Paxman tells Rachel to fuck off.
8.00 - Britain's Got Talent
A new series of the questionable talent show with new judge Jeremy Paxman, who controversially makes an eight...
(Opening Scene - Joey's flat. Chandler walks in to find Joey sitting on the sofa watching TV)
Chandler - Hey Joey, fancy seeing you here.
Joey - Hey Chandler .. This is my flat so where else would you expect me to be.
Chandler - Forgive me if I'm wrong, but didn't you move to Los Angeles to pursue a career in acting.
Joey - I certainly did. You must have watched me on TV in that hi...