Showing articles written by CaptainSausage.

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Funny story:  The naked German economic miracle

The naked German economic miracle

Germans love to be naked. They also have an economy which has largely weathered the financial crisis well. In one town in Upper Lower Saxon Bavaria, Nakenstadt, both of these elements come together to provide a uniquely Teutonic way of life. In Nakenstadt, everyone is naked all the time. It is the law. From the joggers in the local park to the belt-sanders working in the factories, there is bar...
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Funny story:  The US town with the most weapons

The US town with the most weapons

The town of Bullitt, Arizona has the dubious position of being the place with more weapons per person than anywhere else in the USA. The USA is itself the country with the most heavily armed citizenry in the world. So what is everyday life like in Bullitt? TheSpoof investigated. The first thing you notice upon arriving in the town is that the roads are very wide, as most people drive around in...
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Funny story:  Today's Horoscopes

Today's Horoscopes

By Mystic Colin Aries March 21 - April 19 You will receive some good news today about a missing pet rodent. Taurus April 20 - May 20 A nonchalant sausage will lead the way to a new nailcare product supplier. Gemini May 21 - June 20 A poorly prepared vol-au-vent will have disastrous effects on an auntie's hair. Cancer June 21 - July 22 You are infected with cancer. Consult you...
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Funny story:  London's 1908 Olympics

London's 1908 Olympics

London 2012 has filled the media with tales of winning and coming second and third, and has boosted the nation's happiness rather like an Olympic penis being repeatedly rammed down one's throat. But how does London 2012 compare with the first time London held the Olympics in 1908? Things have certainly changed a lot since then, but in some ways they have not changed much at all. Great Brita...
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Funny story:  Writing E-pet-aphs

Writing E-pet-aphs

Gladys Mycock has an unusual job. He/she used to work as a transsexual bra-fitter, but has found more satisfying work in the world of writing poetic epitaphs for family pets. "It's not so much about the imagery, it's more important to find something that rhymes," he/she says. This week has been busy after the local pet shop burnt down. Gladys has been run off his/her feet trying to pen suita...
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Funny story:  The footprint elimination extremists

The footprint elimination extremists

A group of extreme environ-mentalists have been attempting to promote their frugal lifestyle. The Footprint Elimination Group (FEG) are determined to live their lives making as little impact on the planet as possible. FEG members eat nothing but lentils and water, and their clothes are made from lentils too. Twenty of them sleep side by side on the floor of an apartment they have rented, which...
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Funny story:  A French satirist's view of Europe

A French satirist's view of Europe

Bonjour! I am Francois Francaise, France's leading satirist. I laugh at your pathetic English attempts at satire on this LeSpoof website. By that I mean of course that I do not laugh at it at all, because it is not funny. I bet you couldn't even grow a satirical moustache if you tried. France is the home of satire - we invented it. Always remember, satire is like a metaphor. So let me begin...
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Funny story:  Let's ABBA curry

Let's ABBA curry

The world's first ever ABBA themed curry restaurant has opened in Stockholm, Sweden this week. The menu features typical Indian food, but every item on it has had the title of an ABBA song shoehorned into the name. The full menu includes such delights as: Knowing Me Knowing Vindaloo Chiquitikka Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Mango Chutney After Midnight) Fernaando Dancing Keema...
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Funny story:  The brave buttocks of World War One

The brave buttocks of World War One

In the early 1900s there was an arms race throughout Europe - or to be more precise, a buttock race. Countries vied with each other to produce armies of men with the finest pertest buttocks. New photographic magazines such as the British "Cheek" and "Rump" and their German counterparts "Das Ass" and "Teutonic Tushy" glorified the best bums their countries had to offer. Perhaps it was inevitable th...
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Funny story:  Inside the hospital of the future

Inside the hospital of the future

British hospitals are currently facing significant cuts and changes to the way they operate. However one hospital has managed the amazing feat of massively cutting costs while still exceeding government targets. I took a tour of Dorking's Idi Amin Hospital where the motto is "doctoring is in our blood". Instead of expensive human nurses tending to patients' needs, they have robot matrons on all...
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Funny story:  Remembering Prince Albert's balls

Remembering Prince Albert's balls

Every since Tess Tickle saw a photograph of one of Prince Albert's grand balls, she has been fascinated by them. The formality, the decoration and the sheer fecundity of them has brought her much enjoyment over the years. Now she has written a book on the subject. Prince Albert loved holding balls. His favourite place to hold his balls was at Balmoral Castle. From the top of the grand staircase...
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Funny story:  Football's greatest toupees

Football's greatest toupees

As the follicles of Euro 2012 are plucked away by the tweezers of footballing history, we examine the role of hair - or lack of it - in the world's favourite ball-sport. Most football fans will tell you that the reason they watch the game is for the hairstyles. But footballers have not always been as hirsute as they are today. During the Middle Ages, only bald men were allowed to play the game.
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Funny story:  Japan enjoys golden age of toilets

Japan enjoys golden age of toilets

Japan has long been renowned as a hi-tech country, boasting such inventions as the karaoke machine, Tamagochi and the talking toilet. But it is in the amazing development of the latter that the Japanese have truly reached the pinnacle of human achievement. Almost every home in Japan now has a robot toilet. Not only that but the average Japanese loo now has a higher IQ than the average American...
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Funny story:  Monty's Airborne Lions

Monty's Airborne Lions

There are many amazing untold tales of World War II. Perhaps one of the most extraordinary is that of the Airborne Lions, a British parachute regiment commanded by Field Marshal Montgomery. They only flew one mission before they were disbanded, but that mission was to prove critical to the war's outcome. The idea for the mission came from Churchill himself, who believed that air-dropping a numb...
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Funny story:  Dorking man's South Pole bid

Dorking man's South Pole bid

Norman Springer of Dorking, is planning to become the first man to reach the South Pole on a pogo stick. He announced his intent at a press conference this morning, in which he spent the whole time pogoing. Springer, aged 37, has previously been the first man to travel on a pogo stick from his house in south Dorking to Dorking Deepdene train station. This is a feat he will have to repeat if he...
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Funny story:  John Terry and Wayne Rooney film sitcom pilot

John Terry and Wayne Rooney film sitcom pilot

England footballers John Terry and Wayne Rooney have filmed a sitcom pilot together called "Terry and Roon". In the sitcom, they play characters based on themselves, but living together in suburban London. The pilot will be aired during the Euro 2012 football tournament after England are knocked out. In the sitcom, the characters share a bed (as was common in 1970s sitcoms), but both of them ha...
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Funny story:  The Story of the British Monarchy

The Story of the British Monarchy

This weekend, Britain celebrates 60 years of the Queen not dying. Most Britons are very grateful that her reign has lasted so long, not least because she keeps Charles off the banknotes. But how did Britain come to this situation? Why, after so many other countries slaughtered or got fed up with their own monarchies, has Britain continued with its own? The answers lie long ago in history, in an...
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Funny story:  Animal animator releases new film

Animal animator releases new film

Director Jeremy Dribble releases his new film this week. He is well known for his unique style of cinema, in which he uses stop-motion cameras and taxidermy to tell charming but bizarre stories about anthropomorphic sport-playing animals. His latest film tells the story of a pair of badgers who struggle to play at Wimbledon's doubles tennis tournament, and are ultimately beaten by a combination...
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Funny story:  A life without arsehole-dar

A life without arsehole-dar

Tommy Gusset is a fairly normal man, living in the suburbs of a major British town. But beneath his seemingly ordinary exterior, there lies a man whose life has been cursed because he has no arsehole-dar. Most people can spot arseholes a mile off, or at least once they have opened their mouth, but not Tommy. Tommy cannot tell an arsehole from a normal person until it is much much too late. His...
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Funny story:  Dorking remembers its second most famous resident

Dorking remembers its second most famous resident

A remembrance service was held today in Dorking, to mark the tenth anniversary of the death of its second most famous resident, the poet Harold Kludge. After overcoming a lifelong fear of writing implements, Kludge began his career composing football poetry. He wrote his first poem in 1971, after watching Dorking Town lose to Bognor Regis in the first round of the FA Cup. It was a short, shocki...
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Funny story:  The Swedish Milkmen

The Swedish Milkmen

In a farmhouse in a remote part of Sweden, there is a unique industry. The small village of Juver in Dalarna is home to the world's only human dairy farm. It was started in 1973 by Erik Holstein, when his wife Helga would not stop lactating. "It was very embarrassing," he says. "Every time she put on a jumper she would get these huge wet patches around her bosoms." He decided to borrow a mil...
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Funny story:  Chad Smear - Animal Inseminator

Chad Smear - Animal Inseminator

Chad Smear, 44, works as an animal inseminator, and has been trying to encourage more people to follow him into the profession. It is a tough job, he says, but rewarding and with plenty of perks. This week, he is travelling to Peru, with a consignment of 7 gallons of llama semen. This is a typical week for Chad. "Oh yes," he says, "I have to collect the semen, bottle the semen, transfer the sem...
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